Rabbi Bunim taught:. We are each the joining of two worlds. We are fashioned from clay, but our spirit is the breath of Adonai. (from Tales of The Hasidim Later Masters, Martin Buber)

You too are in two worlds.
Fallen
And resurrected, restored, heaven (Genesis 2:7; John 3:5-7, 16,17)

I came across this quote in someone’s letter of thanksgiving for events in their lives. It made me think….

We live in a fallen world. If you weren’t clearly aware of that before your child died, you surely are now! Nothing teaches more clearly that this world is not as it should be. We are all aware that “there is something wrong!” the first time anyone said your child might not make it, whether it was at the beginning of a long illness or at the first moment you entered the hospital after a call that there “has been an accident…”

We live in fallen world but we have an awareness of the restoration that will be in the resurrection. We’re aware that something could be better. That something should be better.
We live one reality – fallenness. We hope and long for the other reality – the restored world as it should be.

Sometimes, while we’re living in the fallen reality, we expect the perfection of the restored reality, and are greatly disappointed. We live with dashed dreams. We live with physical, spiritual, or emotional pain. We live in a world that is broken, fallen and not as it could be. We imagine something so much better. That ability to image is an expression of an awareness of heaven that God has put in our hearts! (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

Part of your grief is a reaction to this big picture: that our world is broken. The double reality causes tension, fear, sadness, confusion. In God’s perfect world, death does not exist – so your child would not have died. But we’re living in a fallen world and the death occurred. God is in the business of restoring all that’s broken. He is in the business of redeeming all that’s lost. He is working in your life to bring you healing, here in this world. He is working in your life so that in the end of all things, you will LIVE in his perfect world where you and the child are restored to each other. In that world, things are as they should be! The best you could imagine. And even better than that! Where there is no more death or mourning or pain. (Revelation 22:4)

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Last night, at our grief group, a woman said something in a way I’ve never heard it before. A scene in a movie “hit her grief nerve” so she cried and cried, not about the movie scene but about her own loss, decades ago. Recently her mother died, and in that context the scene in the movie brought back a grief from a miscarriage long ago. She was already a little fragile. And, in my opinion, one grief is connected to all past losses too. So she grieved anew.

I’ve written about triggers bringing memories and grief at surprising times. We’ve called that being blindsided by grief. But this new way of expressing it – it “hit my grief nerve” – says it again, perfectly! Something here and now brings up old memories and feelings suddenly and sharply – like hitting the funny bone in your elbow. It’s shocking! The shock is almost electric and goes throughout the body. Likewise, the grief shock goes throughout your being. Unbidden, unexpected and unprepared for. But there it is, a shock, a memory, some (maybe many) tears.

The next time something hits your grief nerve, stay with those tears a few minutes. Grieve that grief. When you do this, the next time that memory or situation comes up, it will have less shocking power over you. By giving it some attention, you will take hold of the memory but diminish the sorrow in it. You’ll be gaining, little by little, some control over your grief. In addition to the loss, isn’t that one of the distressing things about grief – that you have so little control?

May the Lord also surprise you with sudden jolts of mercy, of grace, of someone’s helpful insight or word of kindness. May the Lord be there with you, in the shocking moment. Here is a message from God for you: ”The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8- Moses says this to Joshua before sending him into the land of the promise.) It’s a promise for you too because it is rooted in the unchanging the character of God.

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