Jerry Sittser is one of my favorite grief authors. After an auto accident that killed his mother, wife and daughter, he wrote “A Grace Disguised.” I am now reading another book he has written called “When God Doesn’t Answer Your Prayer.” If you have ever felt like He hasn’t, I highly recommend this book! And most bereaved parents feel like that, whether your prayers were for your sick child or for the safety of your child on the highway or for your grief journey.

I want to share with you some of the wisdom he writes in a chapter called “Can God Take our Complaints.”

“The Psalms keep us grounded in God. Every home needs a grounding wire to keep it safe during an electrical storm. However powerful the strike of lightning, it will inflict no damage if a home has such a wire, for that wire will send the electrical charge directly into the ground, where it can do no damage. The Psalms are like grounding wire for emotional lightning bolts.

“The Psalms invite us to complain, to plot revenge, to accuse God, all in the form–amazing as this sounds—of a prayer. The Psalms assume that God is big enough, powerful enough, and gracious enough to absorb that emotion so that it causes no destruction. Ironically, the frustration that unanswered prayer engenders is itself turning into a prayer. Rather than cutting us off from God, unanswered prayer drives us to God. These prayers might sound as bitter as poison, but they are still prayers. It seems as if any kind of prayer, even those that are mean and angry, is better than no prayer at all. However irreverent, these prayers are still prayers.”

If you are praying, even in complaint, you are in relationship with God and that’s the best place to be. Keep praying. Stay near His heart and you will be moving toward healing and peace.

Blessings.

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“He’s in the land of the living. We’re definitely in the land of the dead”

I heard this said about one who had ”died” a few weeks earlier. The person who died is now in the land of those living because they are living with Christ, living the life Christ had prepared for that one, in the house Jesus has prepared. Living in a resurrection body. Living without sin in themselves or in their environment. Now that’s Life!

We who are living our earthly lives, on the other hand, are living in the land of the dead. We are dead in our sins until Christ revives our hearts. Though we are living and breathing on earth, we are dying. No matter how many years we have ahead of us, we are moving in the direction of the end of that time. Our bodies have an expiration date. Each of us is dying.

Your beloved child has already died. But, as for everyone, his or her soul will live forever. Those who chose to receive the life Christ offers are Living in the environment He has prepared just for them. It’s just right for them and who they are created to be forever. No more efforts to figure out what to do for a career. No more sports injuries or auto accidents. No more suffering the taunts of the local bully. No more adolescent trials and tribulations. No more illness or earthly struggles. Just Life – the Life your child was created for.

Meanwhile, you are still living in the land of the dead, grieving deeply for the one who is living in the land of the living. I want to encourage you to spend a little time every week, thinking about the Life your child now lives. Meditate on the One who created your child and prepared that place for them. Meditate on the One who bought them with His own life and who brought them to His home. Meditate on your own future too. This time focusing on what Christ has done for the child and for you will create little points of light along the grief journey through the valley of the shadow of death. Light in the Shadows. This is one thing you can do for yourself, in the time of your grief, to bring some healing. In the midst of your grief, spend a little time, each week, thinking about Life in the land of the Living.

While he was still living in the land of the dead, Jesus said: “In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.” John 14:2

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I live in the Mid-Atlantic States. This area was settled early in America’s history and there are remnants of the old lifestyle all around. Now and then I come across a white marble block, about 8” square and 1’ or 1.5’ high, on a street corner. This block has a number at the top of each face and a word or two. It is a milestone, a marker telling the traveler how much farther it is to the city ahead.  Since we have cars with odometers and maps and GPS devices, we hardly need a milestone anymore but I’m sure they were useful to people long ago on horseback or in carriages. 

There are other kinds of milestones too, some of which may impact your grief. Tomorrow in my neighborhood is the first day of school for a new year. That’s a milestone. Although your child who died is not going back to school, the day is still a milestone because your child would be going back to school and because your child’s friends are going back to school.

This is the beginning of the fall season. There are many other milestones during the next few months. I have known some parents who just dreaded the milestone-rich fall. Besides school, there are change of weather, the smell of the fresh fall air, football season, Halloween and “the holidays.” In your family it might be the World Series rather than football; it might be harvest; or closing down the pool. But for each of you there will be several milestone events that highlight the absence of your child.

There is another kind of milestone too, the things you won’t be doing since your child’s death. I know one mom whose son died when he was 9 years old, who experienced a milestone moment when his friends and contemporaries were getting their driver’s licenses at age 16!  

Milestones measure distance. They measure the distance you have traveled on your grief journey and they measure the distance yet to travel. Maybe your feeling are a little less acute this year compared to last. Then you are moving ahead. Does it seem like he was here yesterday but, at the same time, it feels like forever since he left? You are moving ahead. You can probably count how many World Series he has missed. But, friend, know that you are getting closer to your destination too. You are getting closer with each passing season to that time when you can rest in Jesus’ presence and ask all your questions and get all your answers, or realize that none of the questions or answers is more important than resting in that presence.

  There is a time for everything,
       and a season for every activity under heaven:

  a time to be born and a time to die,
       a time to plant and a time to uproot, …

 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance  Ecclesiastes 3:1-2,4

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14.

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