Have you ever put together a puzzle? I have a 3-D puzzle of the Eiffel tower. I have even put it together, with the help of others. It’s a hard one! There are 4 surfaces, all with the same geometric design of the steel girders that are the structure of the tower. From the hundreds of pieces that have almost the same pattern on them, it’s hard to find the exact piece. There are subtle differences in color and shadow and size, and differences in shape and size of those appendages on each puzzle piece.

Since I can’t concentrate deeply for a long time, I generally work on the puzzle, then leave a while, and then next time I go past the table on which this structure is taking place, I look for the next piece. Piece by piece, bit by bit. Finally, after many times past the table, I have four sides taking shape and can see the picture emerge from the scattered puzzle pieces. I can attach them to each other and have a nearly complete 3-D structure. The final pieces go into place almost easily. And there is The Eiffel Tower, in miniature.

Puzzles are hard, and take concentration. I usually work in little doses since it’s so hard. I work, take a break, and work some more. Real progress is made, bit by bit, until the project is completed.

There are similarities in grief. Do you fully understand all the elements and issues of your loss? Or is it like a puzzle? Do you have unanswered questions, at least for now? Why did she die? What could I have done? What do I do now? Will I ever feel joy or hope or trust again? Where was God when…? What is He thinking?!

It’s a puzzle. I propose that you plan to work through this puzzle the same way I worked on my Eiffel Tower – bit by bit, in small doses. I think eventually you will have an understanding that may not be complete, but will be somewhat satisfying to your heart and mind. The following scriptures passages are some of the puzzle pieces that led to my thinking:

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Rom 8:26-28

We don’t know what to think or how to pray, but we do know that God is in it and with us and has a purpose. Part of the purpose is that we gain an understanding of Him.

My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. Col 2:2-4.

Purposes such as remodeling us so that we don’t have any deficits:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

He will show you and me the way through your mysterious circumstances to the path of life:

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,…
You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:9,11.

Because we will certainly see Him:

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. I Corinthians 13:12.

When we see Him and are finally at home with Him, the puzzle pieces will all fit together in a beautiful picture of His presence with us and His grace for us. So work on your puzzle of grief. Know that you can’t concentrate enough to fit it all together immediately. Take time. Trust Him in the process. Wait to see how beautiful He can make all the pieces tell a story in your life for His glory.

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God created men and women:  

So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27

He created motherhood and fatherhood:

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number;” Genesis 1:28.

He created male and female, specifically, differently. But that’s not bad. It is also my observation that mother’s and dad’s experience grief a little bit differently. That’s not bad, either.

The only One who knew your child before you did is God, the Creator:  

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
… My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
your eyes saw my unformed body. Psalm 137:13, 15-16

Your job is to train your child:

Listen, my son… do not forsake your mother’s teaching. Proverbs 1:8.

Your child’s job was to honor you as mom:

Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you. Deuteronomy 6:16

Resulting in joy for everyone. (In this case, I think both “mother” and “father” refer to any parent.):

The father of a righteous man has great joy;
he who has a wise son delights in him
²⁵ May your father and mother be glad;
may she who gave you birth rejoice! Proverbs 23:24-25

That’s the way it should be – but we know it’s not always that way. And so does God, the ultimate Father. The evidence that He knows this is that He’s mentioned it several times in His Book:

A wise son brings joy to his father,
but a foolish son grief to his mother. Proverbs 10:8

God, your God and Comforter, knows what it’s like to have your job, to have that kind of relationship with a beloved little one:

…we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. I Thessalonians 2:7.

He knows your heart because He has the same heart for each of us. He knows the sorrow you feel too. His son was murdered under false accusation by evil men.

But He also made a plan for your restoration through His Son. His Son died to take away the sting of death and His Son rose again to prove there is life beyond the grave and to prepare a place for all who love and follow Him and to be the first one there. He is there with those who have gone before us. And He is here with you always.

Blessings in His presence this Mother’s Day.

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I was away a couple weeks ago. So there was a gap in posting to this blog. I’m sorry. But I want you to know you are always with me. I spent some of my vacation time reading a grief book, the topic I read more than anything else. I think of you and pray for you. But I was away and not writing.

You may have a chance to go away somewhere. Take a retreat weekend; take a vacation to a beach somewhere. But probably you will take your grief with you. It’s in you more than it is around you. It will go with you everywhere.

I have one quick thought to share: so is Jesus. He promised when He left earth after the resurrection and after staying for 40 days, seeing many and teaching much: I am with you to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20). He is with you, all the time and everywhere. He is the comforter for those who mourn – wherever and whenever you are grieving. Always.

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Jesus wore a crown of thorns. Why? Was it because the soldiers were mocking Him? He claimed to be King of the Jews. So they crowned Him with a crown but that crown was made of thorns. I imagine it hurt as the thorns dug into his scalp. Ouch!

Or could there be more to it than that? Thorns first appeared in the curse God put on the planet after Adam’s sin. Sin (in general) caused God to curse Adam’s work (and that of all humanity) – it’ll be hard to manage the garden because we’ll always be fighting against weeds, ie. thorns and thistles; and to curse Eve in birthing (all women) and raising children (all parents); and to curse the serpent. Death and disease (in general) are the fruit, so to speak, of that curse. You could say that what has happened to your child is one kind of “thorn” from this curse.

Others have experienced thorns too. Paul had his thorn in the flesh. And Jesus’ thorns were in the form of this crown. Both asked that it be taken away. Both got the answer from God that it would not be taken away or avoided, but they should endure it. To Paul, God promised him that His grace would be sufficient to live with it, to endure, to grow through it and bring forth good fruit in life. Jesus certainly accepted and endured His experience of the thorns. Through His thorn-experience, we all have Life so that we can live, grow and bring forth good fruit in our lives too.

Tim Keller (Pastor of Redeemer PCA Church in New York City) says: “everything will be redeemed.” All the brokenness of this world will be redeemed. That’s what’s coming in eternity. Even the thorns of Paul, Jesus and each of you. The thorns that were once a pronouncement against sin are now made into a crown. The soldiers meant it as a mock coronation, but it actually is a symbol of the Crown of Life Jesus wears now as King of Kings. Everything, even the death of your child and your grief, will be redeemed. Trust the Redeemer.

These thoughts were stimulated by a line in a song, Ride on to Die, by Michael Card about the thorns in creation and the thorns of Jesus’ crown and are related to the following Scriptures: Genesis 3:18, II Corinthians 12:7, Matthew 27:29.

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