That one small sentence has blessed my heart many times over the years I have been doing grief ministry. I learned it from a dad whose name is Bill. Bill’s bright and lovely blond ballerina daughter died of a brain tumor and Bill didn’t know what to do! He is a man’s man, yet felt these feelings he didn’t know how to deal with – till he read these verses that acted as instructions for his grief.

“Godly men buried Stephen and mourned deeply for him.” Acts 8:2

This happened at the stoning of Stephen, the church’s first martyr. The whole story is in Acts 6:8 – 8:3. Stephen is described as “…a man full of God’s grace and power [who] did great wonders and miraculous signs among the people. Opposition arose… These men began to argue with Stephen, but they could not stand up against his wisdom or the Spirit by whom he spoke. (Acts 6:8-10) He is certainly a strong man of God. They still accused him of working toward the destruction of the Hebrew faith. He gave a long speech following the whole history of God’s redemptive plan. But when he said that his contemporary accusers were just like the old guys resisting the Spirit, they called for his death by stoning and began throwing rocks! They took him out of the city to the place where such events were done and stoned him. While they were stoning him, he looked up into heaven where he saw Jesus and prayed, asking God to forgive these guys. Did you see that timing? “While there were stoning him,” he was praying for them! Just like Jesus asked the Father to forgive His torturers. And Stephen died.

Saul was there. Not throwing stones but approving the process and holding the coats of the throwers. The conclusion of the story is in chapter 8. It’s just a few verses and mostly they are about Saul, for this is a turning point in the account of the church in Acts. But hidden in the verses is this little but hugely significant gem: godly men mourned.

My friend Bill could see that Biblical men mourned. Until this, he wasn’t sure a mature man could mourn. He thought maybe to mourn in a sign of weakness. If it is not weakness of character, then weakness of faith. These verses say otherwise. It says godly men mourned. If you think about when this event occurred in relation to Jesus’ death, surely some of these godly men were men who actually witnessed Jesus die and actually witnessed the risen Jesus. They had a better understanding of life and death, and that this earthly life is not all there is, than most of us have. And they mourned. This mourning is deep, painful mourning. (I’m speaking that in a deep throated, long monotone to emphasize the mournfulness of the mourning.) These men of God mourned.

Bill received through this little phrase in Scripture the permission he needed to mourn his daughter’s death with honesty and with feeling. I appreciate Bill for teaching me this. Scripture is the Living Word of our Living and Holy God.

I’ll be going on vacation tomorrow. I’m getting away from the normal pressures of everyday life. Away from important phone calls and from the bothersome ones. I’ll be in a part of the country very different from where I live. There will be new vistas at every turn. It will be relaxing and a good time to reconnect with my husband. I’ll be getting away for some rest and refreshment.

As I prepare, I am reminded that you can’t get away from your grief.  No matter where you go, your grief goes with you. You may be in a different place. You may not be confronted by all the reminders at home that can send you into a tail spin of grief. But the grief is something you carry in your heart. It will be with you in many ways. 

On the other hand, a different location can give you new perspective on your losses. You may find new ways to interact with Jesus to find comfort and healing. You may find that you can listen more carefully to the whisper of His voice (I Kings 19:11-12) when you are not surrounded by the everyday reminders of your child. You may find that you can be closer to “normal” when you are away from all the people who know you have lost a child. You, too, may be able to reconnect with your spouse as two hurting but hoping people who care about one another. 

Here are a couple thoughts about how you might find some “rest and refreshment.”

• Jesus says “come unto me, you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) He will take off you shoulders some of that weight of grief. This sounds like a promise!  
• God, the Creator, built into the lives of His people, the concept of rest. He created the Sabbath and the year of Jubilee. He intended for you to take a break now and then. Go. Rest and be restored. No guilt.
• The Psalms talk about rest. Psalm 91:1 says you can rest in under the shelter of His wings, safe and secure. He is your refuge. There’s no fear here.
• Similarly, Psalm 62:1-2,5 talks about a safe place. God is like a strong fortress, a safe place to hide or take shelter from enemies or from the burning sun.
• There is renewal in taking time out. Hope. Hoping in our God. He will renew the strength of those who practice this hope. (Isaiah 40:28-31) 

I’m expecting to have a good time and come home refreshed. And I’ll be praying for you to that you’ll find some rest and refreshment for your heart. Blessings in His grace, which is sufficient for your present needs.  

“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” Psalm 62:1-2