“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5
December 28th was to be the first day I would see and hold my daughter, Lindsey, after nine months of her living within me. But those were not God’s thoughts. Instead of entering the world to be held, loved and nurtured by her mom and dad, she was taken into the loving, nurturing harms of her precious Savior, Jesus Christ.
It was at this time, more than any other in my life, that I realized the truth of the above verses—that God’s thoughts are not my thoughts and that I cannot lean on my own understanding. I cannot understand why Lindsey had to die. I cannot understand, and it is too painful to let myself ask “why.” I cannot discover a single reason that could justify my baby’s death. Any possible “reasons” make God look terribly cruel. BUT—I know He isn’t. I believe the promises that God gives to me—the ones that seem good to me and the ones that seem not-so-good. I know and believe God loves me so much that he willingly, sacrificially experienced what I have—the death of His child.
Psalm 37:4 tells us, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” This is one of those “good” promises and I know that God has His best plan for me. I also know that I may not always understand or agree with His ways, but I can delight in Him and trust Him for the fulfillment of His desires for my life.