Chaos

Grief is a Chaos of emotion! So said a young pastor whose wife had died. It was not said by a bereaved parent but it certainly describes the grief of parents when a child has died! Chaos. That means surprises, sometimes, and extremes of emotion. Other descriptions bereaved parents have used include: being blindsided or being knocked down by waves of grief. Some of those waves you may know are coming. They are triggered by known sources, the way an earthquake can cause the development of a tsunami. A trigger for a wave of grief could be a date on the calendar, a season of the year, an event such as the first day of school or a family wedding. Other triggers are a sight, a sound or a smell. Some waves of grief are unpredicted and unpredictable. All waves can knock you down. These waves can send your emotions into chaos. You can be sort of stable for a day, then smell something and be sent into a pit of sorrow. A piece of his favorite music can send you over the edge. It’s a chaos of emotion. Light hearted laughter for a moment, immediately followed by tears. Peace disrupted by anxiety and worry. If this describes you, even a little bit, I’m writing this to let you know you are normal. Grief is, in fact, a chaos of emotion. Don’t think you aren’t handling it “properly” if you are feeling like this. No amount of “proper” handling will prevent these waves. Just know that waves will come. In the midst of the chaos, there is One who is not surprised or knocked down by the waves. God is consistent and stable even in this tsunami. He can hold you and keep you through the chaos. My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62: 1-2. Hold onto Him, and when you can’t hold on any longer, He holds onto you. You are safe. You are also normal. Grief is, in fact, chaos. That’s the truth about grief. It’s also true that it will get less intense in a while. Just hold on.

In the Beginning, God...

I have been thinking about how to begin this blog on grief. Since I decided to begin in the new year, the first of a new decade, “beginning” has been on my mind. So I’ll start at the beginning of God’s communication with us – Genesis. In the beginning of His-story with His creation, God made the heavens and the earth, then all the beings on the earth, and concluded with humans. I have learned a lot from the creation account that informs my thoughts about life and behavior and family. There is also useful background that informs my thinking about grief. In the beginning, God made man, and then noticed that it wasn’t good for that man to be alone. That’s not a ‘sex’ statement but a relationship statement. Also, His recorded thought: “let us make man in our image,” is a relationship statement. So we are made for relationship. We, as humans, were made to live in a perfect world, before Adam’s disobedience to God’s word and the punishment for that sin. Adam and Eve were sent out of the perfect garden. Then Adam and Eve, and now we, live in an imperfect world. There are thorns around us and in the garden, there are issues between people in every relationship, there is now Death. We were made to live in a perfect world in perfect relationship with God and other humans in a world where Death did not exist. But now things have changed, because of the disobedience of Adam and Eve. Now we live where there are many breaks in our relationships, and finally, Death, the complete breaking of a loving relationship. No wonder we don’t know what to do when our child or other loved one has died! No wonder grief hurts so much! This loss and pain go right to the core of who we are made to be. It’s no wonder we don’t know how to navigate through this land overshadowed by death. The rest of God’s story is about His willingness to guide us through this strange landscape for which we are not equipped. Thanks be to God, He is with us! Right here right now, wherever you are in your grief journey. From the beginning, He has offered us what we need to get through – His presence. I’ll be sharing a thought every week or so about things I have learned from or seen in other bereaved parents over the years. I want to be truthful about grief and to look to faith in Christ for hope in the chaos the grief can be. I am praying that there is help here for you, no matter what your loss or what kind of day you are having. In His grace, sufficient for even this.

New: Devotionals that Bring Hope

Beginning on April 1, 2009, H*VMI will be posting a monthly devotional with words of encouragement, hope, and support.  They will be written by our own staff.

Please check back then for the first devotional.