THE MECHANICS OF HEALING A BROKEN HEART

Recently I experienced a very serious problem with my car. I had three choices to make:

1. Keep driving the car and hope that the problem would “right” itself!

2. Park the car in the driveway and start walking to work and appointments.

3. Go to a trusted mechanic who knows my car, having serviced it for many years, and who can, therefore, diagnose the situation and address it.

Of course, I made choice #3. The other two choices are pretty irrational!

It wasn’t long until my car was on the lift in the mechanic’s garage. It took him no time at all to figure out what was wrong, obtain a needed part and make the repair. I was on my way home within two hours - with the problem solved.

When we’ve been attacked by life’s pain, heartache and losses, there are many choices we can make as we try to deal with our sad hearts. Some choices will only increase the pain. For example, we can choose to constantly focus on the situation and, maybe, pity ourselves. We can choose to isolate ourselves or bury ourselves in work or other projects. We can choose to be angry or bitter, rehearsing any injustice that may be part of our loss. We can look for someone to blame. We can try to drown our sorrows in food or drink. But none of these choices can get us to the place we need – a place of comfort and peace…and, eventually, joy!

For those of us who have trusted Jesus as Savior and Lord, there can be hope for a much better outcome when our hearts are hurting. Just as I sought out the mechanic for my car, and he successfully accessed his wisdom, insight and skills to address my car’s need, so Jesus, the Son of God, is the One we can seek for help and some relief to our broken spirits. He’s not a mechanic. He’s so much more. He is the Great Physician. He, alone, is equipped to address the need. Why? How?

1. Since He created you and because He is Omniscient, He has intimate knowledge about you, including how deep your heartache reaches. Psalm 139:1-3

2. His wisdom far exceeds your understanding of your painful circumstances. He knows all the layers that may have brought about your heartache. He knows how your heartache can actually be redeemed for something good. Romans 11:33-36

3. His love applied to your situation can bring the healing your heart needs. No one can care about you as deeply as He can. Wrapped in that love and care is peace, assurance, grace and strength that can get you through what you are having difficulty getting over! Ephesians 3:17a-20

Dear hurting friend, “O taste and see that the Lord is good; how blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him” Psalm 34:8

WHAT A GIFT!

“For there is one God, and one mediator also between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus, Who gave Himself as a ransom for all…” I Timothy 2:5-6

This is the time of year that we exchange gifts with one another. It’s usually a family and friends fun activity! Most gifts are relatively short-lived, like tickets to a performance or a sporting event that ends when the curtain comes down or the last buzzer sounds. Or, it could be clothing that wears out; or candy that is soon gobbled up. 

As Believers, giving gifts typifies The Gift given from heaven to earth. The gift Paul speaks of in I Timothy 2:5-6 will last throughout eternity. Let’s look at three gifts within The Gift:

1. THERE IS ONE GOD. This God is sovereign and is full of love and grace. He is a strength-giver when weakness, especially in loss, overwhelms. He is the ever present Comforter, bringing peace when the storm can seem overwhelming.

2. THERE IS ONE MEDIATOR. No one in heaven or on earth could possibly fill such a vital position as the man, Christ Jesus, does. Right now, He’s sitting at the right Hand of God, the Father, interceding for you. Ask Him what you will!

3. JESUS GAVE HIMSELF A RANSOM FOR ALL. The perfect, sinless Son of Man, Son of God, Christ Jesus, paid the ransom for your sin and mine, giving us access to the Father now and life with Him for all eternity.

Take some moments, over this Christmas season, to thank JESUS for dying in our place so we can have access to the ONE TRUE LIVING GOD every moment of our need. And, thank Him that one day – heads up, that day is coming soon – we will be reunited with Him in Heaven, and with our loved ones who are there now enjoying His presence.

Have a blessed, hope-filled Christmas of comfort and joy!!!

Who Is God?

Who is God?

The Bible depicts Him in so many meaningful ways. Here are just a very few:

• Genesis 1:1 tells us He is the Creator of all things.

• Genesis 16:13 – He is the God Who sees us!

• Psalm 34:17 – He hears our cries.

• Psalm 55:22 – He sustains us when we’re burdened.

• Psalm 73:28 – He is our refuge.

• Psalm 103:19 reminds us that He is Sovereign over ALL things.

• Psalm 103 tells us many more things about God: He is the One Who forgives our sins and has redeemed our life, heals our diseases, is compassionate and gracious, provides good things to us, renews our strength, is slow to anger, is abounding in mercy, is just…

• Psalm 139 indicates that He knows us intimately and is always with us.

• Psalm 145 reveals that He provides for us, sustains us, satisfies us and, again is always near to us.

• Psalm 146 – He gives us help – and hope!

Which of these attributes of God do you need most in your grief? He is all of the above and so much more. Where can you find the so-much-more? In His precious Word. Don’t neglect it especially in the depths of your grief.

David Jeremiah: “…it’s not how much faith you have. It’s how much Jesus you know. The more you hear of Him, the more you’ll see the reasonableness of your faith in Him.”

Hudson Taylor: “You do not need a great faith, but faith in a great God!”

Dear friends, He is a GREAT God. He’s exactly Who we need when life seems to have handed us the worst!!!

Loneliness

One of the “givens” in grief is the overwhelming feeling of loneliness. That’s really curious because grief is actually a universal event. Everyone on this planet experiences loss, and loss always produces grief. And every griever feels alone. Even surrounded by people who genuinely, sincerely care and who seek out ways to show that care, that lonely feeling creeps into the deepest recesses of the griever’s spirit.

That’s because loneliness in grief emanates from the feeling that no one can possibly understand how you feel.

And, frankly, that feeling is very valid because no one CAN understand. No matter how much you or I may care about the griever. No matter if you or I have personally experienced a similar loss. You and I still CAN’T really understand what another is going through. We might try. We might come close. But, because every person is uniquely created, every person is individually equipped to do even the same things – including grieve. No two people are going to grieve the same.

But wait, there IS Someone Who FULLY understands how you feel when you are grieving. He has that capacity because He’s the One Who created you. He knows everything there is to know about your body, mind and spirit, including how you are reacting to your loss. He sees into the deepest recesses of you – places no one else can see. And, He can touch those places in ways no one else can.

Added to the fact that He knows what you’re going through is this very dependable promise:

• “I will never leave you or forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5.

You are never out of His reach. Not for a second. There’s no where you can go that He isn’t there with you. He testifies to His constant presence in your life in these amazing verses:

• Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord Himself goes BEFORE you…”

• Isaiah 52:12 “…the God of Israel will be your REAR guard.”

• Psalm 121:8 “The Lord keeps watch OVER you…”

• Deuteronomy 33:27 “…UNDERNEATH are the Everlasting arms…”

• Psalm 139:5 sums up His Presence in your life beautifully: “…You have ENCIRCLED me…”

 Jesus completely understands. Jesus is always with you. You are NEVER alone!!!

If Jesus Christ didn’t abandon you in HIS darkness, the ultimate darkness, why would He abandon you now, in yours?  - Tim Keller

HOW to FIND STABILITY in the CHAOS of GRIEF

What do we need most when our world has been turned upside down by loss and grief?

How about STABILITY in the chaos??!!

“Try on” these verses for stability:

Jeremiah 31:3 "The LORD (said), “I have loved you with an everlasting love...”

God is telling you, “I’ve never quit loving you and never will!” No matter what your FEEL, the REALITY is that you are deeply and unconditionally loved.

Psalm 61:2 "From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”

You have Someone Who really, really, really wants to listen to your anguished cries. He never gets tired of hearing from you. Pour out your heart to Him.

Mark 9:24 “…I do believe. Help my unbelief.”

When you’re in turmoil, doubts can squelch faith. God understands. It’s a relief to know this when grief makes us lose our focus on what’s true.

Deuteronomy 31:8 “And the LORD is the one who is going ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

Though you may feel alone during this time, remember that, because God, the Ever-Present One, is your Father, you never truly are.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

The chaos, pain, heartache, disappointment, agony will end. There is hope for the future.

WHERE TO TURN IN YOUR GRIEF

There are two basic options when trying to heal from loss:

Option 1: Turn to our own resources. In so doing, we can be sure that this would be what Satan wants in order to keep us steeped in our pain, living without hope. 

Option 2: We can turn to God. I Peter 5:7 “Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” Our Creator, the One Who knows us better than anyone else on this earth, wants to be with us in our pain, always working to provide peace, comfort, encouragement and hope.

How do we face our hurt with God rather than turning our backs on Him, as so many do, during the grieving process? What does the grief journey look like when we walk it with God?

It looks like – SURRENDER! Surrender to what?

To HIS SOVEREIGNTY - Psalm 103:19 “The Lord has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all.” God’s Hand is intimately entwined in our losses. That thought could actually make the pain worse, rather than better. It might leave us thinking, like Mary and Martha in John 11, ”Lord, you could have stopped this, and you purposely didn’t. Why?” God’s sovereignty could leave us more angry than comforted – UNLESS - we remember that, also in His sovereignty, He allowed HIMSELF to suffer – WITH PURPOSE.

To HIS LOVE - Jeremiah 31:3 “…I have loved you with an everlasting love…” When we are hurt, we spend a lot of time saying, “Why did this happen?” “Why did this happen to ME?” “What kind of God would allow this to happen?” When we have been hurt the most, that is when we need to trust God’s LOVE the most! God loves us enough to feel our hurt. He proved it by becoming Flesh, dwelling among us and subjecting HIMSELF to suffering and hurt!

To HIS FAITHFULNESS - Lamentations 3:21-23 “This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.” How do we surrender to the faithfulness of God when life has been ravaged by loss? How can we trust it? We know that His powerful right Hand could prevent loss. But, sometimes He chooses not to do so. When that happens, we need to trust that God is faithful, and reinforce our trust with verses such as: Isaiah 55:9 “His ways are not our ways and His thoughts not our thoughts?” Jeremiah 29:11 “I know the plans I have for you. They are not meant to harm you but to give you a future and a hope.”      

To WHO HE IS - Psalm 18:1-3 tells us Who He is: “I love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my Rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my Rock, in Whom I take refuge; my Shield and the Horn of my Salvation, my Stronghold. I call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.” God is: Our STRENGTH (counteracting the weakness that grief produces). Our ROCK (the stability you need when life and emotions seem out of control). Our FORTRESS (protection from the enemy who wants to tear us apart as we grieve). Our DELIVERER (He’s a safety net – cushioning us in grief). Our REFUGE (Ah! The place of peace away from the turmoil of loss). Our SHIELD (deflecting the darts of the one who wants to pick at our wounds). Our HORN of SALVATION (the One Who will fight for us). And Our STRONGHOLD (the place we can run to get away from the anguish of the moment).

Choose Option 2 when your heart is broken!!!!

HELPFUL/NOT-SO-HELPFUL SUPPORT

As you’ve been grieving a loss, whether the loss is someONE or someTHING, you’ve probably received lots of “advice” about how to grieve well. In my personal and ministry experience facing grief, I’ve heard many helpful words, like “I’m so sorry for your loss. I sincerely care.” And, I’ve heard many hurtful ones, like: “Cheer up! Things will get better.” Or “Where’s your faith?”

With the loss of a spouse, a wife heard these words: “You were lucky to have had the time you had.”

With the loss of a child, a grieving mom heard: “She’s with the angels now.”

With the loss of a second child, parents heard: “You’ve been through this before. You know what to expect so it must be easier this time!”

With a miscarriage, a heartbroken mom and dad heard: “You’re young. You can have other children.”

With the divorce of her spouse, a wife heard: “Time heals all wounds.” And another heard: “You’ve got to be strong for your children.”

To all the above “comforting” comments, and much more that have pierced my ear canals through the years of ministry, I would say,“YIKES!”

Giving some grace to people who say insensitive things to grievers, they are, most likely, not intentionally hurting you. It’s just that, too often, in an effort to try to be helpful, people can end up doing more harm than good. In their own discomfort over your loss, they look for helpful things to say, but, before they get to any helpful words, hurtful ones spill out of their mouths! I wonder how many “Job’s Comforters” have kicked themselves as they walked away from a conversation hearing the words they spoke in an effort to bring comfort to a grieving heart, battering their own ears, hearts and minds.

People! They can be a blessing - and they can be a bane to a grieving heart.

BUT GOD! God always has just the right words to say to you. He knows, more than anyone else on earth can know, how much you hurt. He hurts with you. He will never walk away from you and leave you alone in your grief. Here are some of GOD’S words directly from His heart to yours. Drink them in. Let them be to your heart like a salve, a balm, a sweet, soothing remedy for the hurt that stubbornly won’t go away:

• Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

• Psalm 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." 

• Psalm 23:4 (I love the way the New Living Translation says it:) "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for You are close beside me. Your rod and Your staff protect and comfort me." 

• Lamentations 3:32: “Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love.”

• Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

These are but just a few of the HELPFUL things God says to you in your grief. He loves you. He gets you. He can be counted on to support you - with just the right words.

RESOURCES FOR THE DAY OF BATTLE

I frequently direct your thoughts toward the Psalms in my blogs. It’s because it’s where I go myself when I’m personally struggling with the magnitude of pain that grief, from any kind of circumstance, can bring. The great Psalm writer, David, under God’s inspiration, provides hope in so many of his poems. That hope is based upon David’s unwavering trust in God, no matter what challenge God directed or permitted to enter David’s life. And, David certainly had his share of challenges!

Psalm 27:1 paves the way for us to consider God at work in our own lives, especially when hurt and pain strike at our very being: “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life; whom shall I dread?”

These three words stand out to me in that verse as encouragement when loss tears at our lives:

LIGHT: Light dispels darkness. Loss often presents itself as a thick cloud of emotional darkness that can capture and torment us. We can’t see in the dark. Then comes, anxiety, loneliness and fear because of an unknown future without the one, or the something, we lost. When LIGHT is introduced into darkness, we feel comforted, reassured and at peace. God gives us the Light of His Presence as we turn our pain over to Him.

SALVATION: Salvation restores. Salvation from the punishment of our sins restored our broken relationship with our Creator when we acknowledged Jesus as Savior. And that same Salvation restores our hope for life now and for the future beyond this life. Now, when our souls are sorrow-filled because of grief, God’s Presence provides salvation from the devastation that loss typically brings. God will restore us as we spend time with Him. Will we still feel the loss? Absolutely! However, the closeness of God prevails over the emptiness we feel, and that fortifies and restores us.

DEFENSE: Defense enables us to meet the enemy head on and conquer it. As we grieve, our Defender is there to ward off the emotional attacks that can come so readily, often out of nowhere! Looking to Him, we can find moments of victory in the battle that fortify and strengthen us for the next onslaught of pain.

Note, most importantly, three other words that precede the three we just observed:

THE LORD IS…

It is quite apparent that our God knows we cannot face loss and grief in our own strength. He provides the greatest resource in loss – Himself. The One Who, Alone, knows and truly feels your pain as no other can, even tho’ they may earnestly try. The Lord provides for you out of the abundance of Who He is.

His promises remain strong for you:

“For on the day of trouble He will conceal me in His tabernacle;
He will hide me in the secret place of His tent;
He will lift me up on a rock.
And now my head will be lifted up above my enemies around me..”  Psalm 27:5-6a

I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

No doubt, dear friends, now and then in your grief, you come to a place in your mind and heart where you just can’t bear it anymore. Your head knows that reading Scripture and talking to God could help, but you have no energy or inclination for either. You could not feel more alone. You are on the Isle of Despair.

I wish I could offer a pill, or a statement, or an activity of some kind that would fix what you’re feeling; BUT – there truly is NO OTHER PLACE we can go when we’ve reached the end of ourselves. But to God.

It happened to Elijah. Yes – there I go – sending you to Scripture when I just acknowledged to you that, when you are hurting, you might think, “Reading Scripture right now won’t work! My grief is too deep this time.”

But, I am so convinced that God has an answer to every single one of life’s concerns, that I can’t withhold the following from you:

In I Kings 19 we read that the prophet, Elijah, had just witnessed the most miraculous display of God's power EVER on Mount Carmel. He defeated 450 prophets of Baal. The people who were witnesses to the event resoundingly declared, "The LORD, He is God!!!"

Elijah is riding high!

But his life changes in an instant. (That’s likely been your experience – the one that has plunged you into grief!) Elijah learns that the King’s wife, Jezebel, has threatened to have him killed. He runs into the wilderness, feeling despondent and alone. After walking for an entire day into the desert, he sat down under a bush and asked to die! He told God, “I have had enough!”

Elijah was no slouch when it came to his love for God. He was a strong Believer. But, as it can happen even to the strongest of Believers, because of circumstances, Elijah became exhausted and paralyzed with fear and hopelessness. There simply are times in our life when all seems in vain, and hopelessness creeps in, to the point of just wanting to end it all.  But the Lord in His mercy and compassion knows exactly where we are and what we need. And because we have a relationship with the Living God, He will come to our rescue.

How did God rescue Elijah? It was pretty simple. He nourished Elijah’s body with food and water. He rested his body with sleep. And, then He repeated the process! God didn’t scold, or lecture, He just provided the most practical: eat, drink, sleep!

Friend, The Lord understands that "The journey is too hard, too difficult, too great for you." (1 Kings 19:7) He invites you to “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good. Blessed is the man that trusts in Him. (Psalm 34:8)

When fear and hopelessness crushes your spirit and there seems to be no end in sight, expect the Lord in those critical times to rescue and get you through.

LOVE and POWER

We’re approaching Easter Season. It’s a time on the Christian calendar that might have mixed emotions: sadness, shame, wonder and hope, among them. We can never think too often or deeply enough about the Crucifixion and Resurrection.

The Crucifixion: Can you think of any greater evidence of the Love of God than this: He sent His dearly loved Son, Jesus, away from Himself and the glories of Heaven into this sin sick world. Here, Jesus became the perfect sacrifice to atone for all those sins. I am sad to think that He had to bear my sin, my shame on His body.

Like me, you have probably sung this chorus over and over: “Jesus Loves Me This I Know.” Someone came up with the great idea of exchanging two words in the title of the song, “love” and “know,” so we read, “Jesus knows me this I love!” Think about it. In spite of God knowing everything there is to know about you and me, including our propensity for sin, He still loves us enough to die for us. I never want to get over the wonder of such love. I hope you don’t either.

The Resurrection: God’s amazing power created this world and all that’s in it! That’s you and me as well. That same power raised One from the grave Who had been dead for three days! All this is power that only God could have. There is no other power in this entire world so great. And, that same power was there when Jesus ascended into Heaven. He said at that time to His disciples: “All authority (power) has been given to me in heaven and on earth…”

God’s love and power has already done so much for us. But, there’s more. His love and power are available to us through the daily concerns of life. Physical pain, unbearable loss, uncertainty…these can put our hearts and minds in great despair. But because of God’s love and power, because of the Crucifixion and the Resurrection, we don’t have to despair. We can have HOPE.

Psalm 103:19 “The Lord has established His throne in the heavens; and His sovereignty ‘rules over all.’” God is not only aware of your struggles, your loss, your heartache, all your challenges - but He is in charge of them and because He loves you so much and has so much power, He can see you through them all. He can give grace and strength for each day. Great is His faithful love and power! That should suffice for Easter and for every day!

GOVERNED

Do you believe it? Really?

Psalm 103:19 says, “The Lord has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all.”  

ALL!!!! Do you believe it?

Thomas Cranmer (d. 1556), Arch Bishop of Canterbury, wrote short prayers more than 600 years ago which became part of the collects used in The Book of Common Prayer. One of those prayers is:

“Almighty and everlasting God, which dost govern all things in heaven and earth; mercifully hear the supplications of Thy people, and grant us Thy peace all the days of our life.”

Peace – an illusive commodity in grief. Anger. Confusion. Depression. Fear. These come easily. But – Peace?

Arch Bishop Cranmer has the audacity to ask God for it – not just in the moment, but “all the days of our life!” How can that be? Look at the beginning of the prayer – “…God, which dost GOVERN ALL things in heaven and earth…”

That’s where peace is found:  in believing that God is in control of everything; in trusting that the greatest heartache you have ever known is tenderly cradled in His Hands; in knowing that He governs in love, with purpose. ALL things.

If/when you believe and embrace Psalm 103:19, peace is possible. You are assured that NOTHING will enter your life without His touch, His permission, even His direction. When you think there is anything in your life that is removed from the governance of God, you rob yourself of peace.

There are so many circumstances that can leave you defeated and troubled if you don’t believe that God governs them all.

• Relationships? He governs.

• Health?  He governs.

• Life and death? He governs.

Since He governs, you are provided the opportunity to rest, to find peace.

JESUS, YOU, ME and GRIEF

You are probably reading this blog because you’ve experienced a loss, one, perhaps, that has hurt you so deeply you can’t even find a way to express it. Tears are readily there but words to describe how you feel just don’t come. You cry and beg and dig for answers as to why this loss has happened, why you have to experience such deep grief. But there don’t seem to be answers, making the hurt even worse. You want so much for someone to see just how deeply you hurt. Is there anyone who can understand – really understand?

The truth is – there IS Someone Who understands. Jesus, God’s Son, personally, as he lived on earth, experienced all the agony that we associate with loss and grief. Jesus, the One Who created you, Who loves you and gave His life for you, Who lives in you can see all the way to the bottom of the crater that grief has created in your heart – and He can touch the pain like no other can.

Philippians 2:7 tells us that Jesus willingly came from Heaven to earth, taking on the form of a man. In so doing, He knew He would experience the things we experience. His empathy and compassion for us has no end.

Matthew 26 show us that many facets of grief you likely experience, Jesus also experienced:

• He knew betrayal in the Garden of Gethsemane. He had just spent years of quality time with His disciples. He took some of them with Him to Gethsemane and, knowing what was ahead of Him, asked them to pray with Him. They fell asleep. And, it was in Gethsemane that He experienced the ultimate betrayal, by Judas, also one of His disciples. Do you feel betrayed by family and friends who may criticize your way of grieving? You’re doing your best. No one understands.

• Jesus faced the injustice of a mock trial which also included physical, emotional and verbal abuse from the soldiers. They spit on Him, they whipped Him, they mocked Him. Do you struggle with physical and emotional challenges produced or exacerbated by your grief? Perhaps you can’t eat or you can’t sleep, or both!

• He faced abandonment. His disciples had traveled with Him, watched Him perform miracles, listened to His teaching and witnessed His incredible compassion; yet, they abandoned Him, literally fleeing from His presence. One disciple even denied he ever knew Him. Do you feel abandoned by family and friends, once very close to you, who now stay away, probably because they don’t know what to say to you or do for you?

• He was forced to carry His own cross to which He was, ultimately, nailed – such horrific physical pain – after being humiliated when His clothing was stripped from His body. Are you ever embarrassed when your tears flow in unlikely places and at unlikely times?

• And, the ultimate in experiencing the loneliness grief can bring was when His Father turned away from His Son, not able to look at His body that carried on it all the sins of mankind past, present and future. Jesus willingly bearing all that sin, all that pain, all that grief was forsaken so we never have to be. Loneliness in grief is nearly a “given,” because of that feeling that no one can understand.

Well, dear friend, know this as a certainty, Jesus understands as no one else ever can. And He says to you and me who grieve the losses in our life: “I will NEVER leave – NEVER forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

About As Opposite As You Can Get

Wordwise is a fun game our family played together over the holidays. One of the categories players have to cover, with the shake of the 16 die containing letters, is creating a five letter word.

I was thinking about two five-letter words that could work if the right letters came up. Actually, three of the five letters of these two words are the same. But, oh, the meaning each word represents is very different. The words are g-r-i-e-f and g-r-a-c-e.

The meaning of grief and all the things that provoke grief, are far too familiar to us in this fallen world. The news is filled daily with world-wide grief-producing events. But, we don’t have to look as far out as the world to find such events. There are events that grieve us that are too local, too personal because they pertain to our own families and lives. Grief makes its way into our lives when we experience loss of any kind. We don’t have to define it – or understand it. It’s just there!

The meaning of grace is a bit more elusive. Most of us know the Biblical definition as “undeserved favor.” Gratefully, God GRACIOUSLY reached down to save us from the penalty for our sins, laying those sins on the Body of His own Son as He was nailed to and died on the cross. We certainly do not deserve such favor.

Many of us also apply the word, grace: when saying a prayer before we eat; the elegance or beauty of someone’s style, such as when they are dancing or ice-skating; or a period of time when a bill can be forgiven with no penalty.

Grace is used to define or enhance the picture of the events above, and much more. But, I like this definition:

GRACE is the influence or Spirit of God that operates in humans to regenerate or strengthen them.

And, isn’t that actually JUST what we need when we experience grief?

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 “Now, may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who has loved us and given us eternal comfort and good hope by GRACE, comfort and strengthen your hearts in every good work and word.”

THANKSGIVING - CHRISTMAS - JANUARY 1

These are three special days that bring joy and celebration to so many people. At the same time, when you’ve lost someone you love, these three days are among the holidays and other events in life that can hit you heavy and hard!

Scripture always holds healing for wounds that seem un-treatable.

Psalm 108:1-6

My heart is steadfast, God;
I will sing, I will sing praises also with my soul.
Awake, harp and lyre;
I will awaken the dawn!
I will give thanks to You, Lord, among the peoples,
And I will sing praises to You among the nations.
For Your mercy is great above the heavens,
And Your truth reaches to the skies.
Be exalted above the heavens, God,
And may Your glory be above all the earth.
So that Your beloved may be rescued,
Save with Your right hand, and answer me!

Out of the starting gate, in verse 1, David states that his heart is “steadfast.” How could that be, when David is mired in his own deep concern? It’s because David knows to go to his God, the only sure source of relief there is. He goes, perhaps in despair, but, more importantly, in hope and expectancy that God can address his anguished heart. David knows that God is the only One Who is able to help him through yet another overwhelming life circumstance.

Take note of the way David approaches God with his troubled spirit:

• Verse 1, 3 – He sings praises to God. Does that seem like a stretch, when your heart is hurting?

• Verse 3 – He gives thanks to God. Not FOR the circumstance but IN it. There is ALWAYS something for which to thank God.

• Verse 4 – In a world full of deceit, despair and disappointment, David reminds himself that there is Truth and it’s embodied in God.

• Verse 5 – David takes his mind off his own hurt when he exalts God and gives Him glory.

• And in verse 6 – David dares to believe that God can rescue him…perhaps, not from the circumstance, since some cannot be changed; but, from the despair the circumstance creates.

I invite you to do the things David did in this Psalm. Do them, even if you don’t feel like it or see no possibility for these activities making a difference in your heavy heart. Seeking God in your heartache is the only certain way your heart can be lifted, if not to celebrating a holiday, at least to daunting the pain the holiday might threaten.

Frightful Fear - HEAVENLY HELP!

This blog is for all of us who may be fearful about the present and the future, likely because of what we’ve experienced in the past. Especially when we’ve lost someone we love, the fear of it happening again is overwhelming. We now know how much it hurts and we just don’t want to feel such hurt again.

Let’s dive together into John 6:16-21. Jesus’ Disciples have just seen Him provide enough food for a very hungry group of people, 5000+ people, from a mere five loaves of bread and two fish. Not only was the hunger of all those people satisfied, but, the Disciples picked up 12 baskets full of leftovers! Then, the disciples got into a boat and set sail for Capernaum. Jesus had already left to go to a mountain to pray.

The Scripture passage lists three things that happened to the Disciples after they had JUST experienced such a miraculous event. These three things caused them to forget the amazing feat they had just witnessed and descend into very great fear:

• It grew dark. Darkness is an absence of light. Not being able to see, they experienced lack of direction and that led to anxiety and fear.

• Their captain was not with them. There was no one to steer the ship. Without help from someone in the know, they easily became afraid.

• A strong wind blew in and stirred up the seas on which they were sailing. This was, in their minds, an absolute recipe for disaster, and likely, their death. Of course, they were filled with fear. 

Perhaps this is how your grief makes you feel: NO LIGHT, NO CAPTAIN AND NO CALM! Perhaps you and the Disciples share similar feelings: “What can I do?” “I’m scared.” “I have no hope.” “Life is out of control.” “I am drowning in my circumstances.” These concerns, among others, can be a driving force to create FEAR inside of us – fear for now – fear for tomorrow!

Verse 19 tells us that, as the Disciples looked, they saw Jesus walking on the water toward them. It was still dark. He was walking against the same fearsome wind and on the same churning sea they thought would be their demise. And, He spoke to them. “It is I. Do not be afraid.” Turning from focusing on the dire circumstances, they focused on Jesus. Their fears calmed. Their Captain gave them confidence that He was in full control of the situation. They arrived safely on the other side!

When the storms of life hit our boat, we need to reach out to the One Who is in control of all things, including our loss. Verse 21 states “…they were willing to take Him into the boat.”

Be willing to remember God’s past Presence and provision in your life and trust Him to meet you in your current and future circumstances. Your Frightful Fear can then be turned around by Heavenly Help.

Faith Is Not For Nothing!

“Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1 What a clear cut definition of the word, “faith.” In the heart and mind of God, faith is vital.

Our salvation depends upon it (Ephesians 2:8).

Then, in Matthew 9, among other places in the New Testament, the need for faith is stressed three times for individuals who were looking for physical healing. But, faith in what or in whom? In each situation (verses 2, 22 and 29), the individuals, indeed, were looking to a Person, to the One Who had the power to deliver what it was that they needed. None had another place to go. All their “eggs,” as they say, were “in one basket!”

When it comes to a heart that is broken and in need of healing, where does faith make an impact? The answer is found in James 1:2-3 “Consider it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.”

Your heart might hurt so badly you would happily give up the benefits of encountering trials that test your faith and produce endurance. But, we don’t have a choice! We live in a fallen world so there will ALWAYS be trials, tribulations and troubles.

We don’t have to face all these alone. We have One Who knows what suffering is and is willing and able to walk with us through our own suffering. It’s this same Jesus Who gave us salvation and this same Jesus Who provided healing in Matthew 9.

When He was headed to the Cross to pay the price for our salvation, these words came from His heart, through His lips to His Father’s ears: “My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death…My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.” Jesus was no more eager to suffer than you and I are. But, what would the outcome be if He had not?! The outcome would be that we’d live in a world of hurt where we’d have to suffer without hope. Hope for managing the pain now and hope for better things to come. Jesus suffered and surrendered, and we are eternally better for it.

And, because He did that, He can understand like no one else ever could how wearying it is to have heartache. He understood Joni Eareckson Tada’s heartache when, at age 17, she experienced a diving accident that resulted in her having to live her life as a quadriplegic. When it first happened, she argued with God about her disability. It just didn’t seem fair. After some time and looking into God’s Word, Joni surrendered her life to Him, her life with a disability and the pain that accompanied it. Joni is now celebrating her 75th birthday. Because of her surrender, because she came to the place of choosing to count this test, this trial, as joy, her faith produced endurance to the point that God has used her to touch the hearts of thousands of lives around the world.

You are experiencing your own trial.

What can you take away from all of this?

1. God knows your pain – more than that, He understands it.

2. He’s with you in it so you can endure it.

3. He can and wants to use it to allow you to see Him more clearly so that your faith and trust in Him will grow.

4. He will use your pain to minister to others.

5. You’ll be blessed and your spirit will be lifted to see that your pain has profound redemptive qualities.

I would never diminish the pain in your heart. But, I will tell you that I believe, with all of MY heart, and my own experiences, that, because of God, the heartache that is the testing of your faith can produce endurance – and so much more. Don’t miss it. Surrender to the One Who knows you best and can comfort you most.

WHY? versus WHO?

Like me, you probably asked that question again and again when we were little children; and as an adult, we hear the same questions from children in our lives. WHY? Even if the question didn’t have an answer, it was a way to keep communication going between child and adult. 

WHY? has, no doubt, been the question plaguing your mind and heart since the loss occurred that has brought you so much heartache and grief. Now, the question rides a tsunami of emotions. It tears at your heart because there really are no answers – at least any that could satisfy. Well-meaning family and friends offer suggestions to address WHY? But, in reality, they don’t really know or understand much more than you do about your loss; and maybe their answers add even more pain.

Recently, I read that WHY? has been asked 32 times in the Bible. Those asking included:

• Moses (Numbers 11:11)

• David (Psalm 10:1)

• Job (Job 3:11, 12, 20, 23)

• Jesus (Matthew 27:45-47)

There’s some comfort in knowing that we are not alone in asking the WHY? question as we grieve. However, there comes a time when it’s important to allow the question to shift from WHY? To WHO?

David, one of the people in the Bible who asked WHY? and a “man after God’s own heart,” wrote in Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.”

God is the WHO? we trusted for our salvation and He is the Sovereign One we can trust in our sorrow. We can’t comprehend the love of God that moved Him to grant us salvation. In the same way, we can’t comprehend the mind of God that would permit or direct the loss(es) we experience. Trust is necessary in both Salvation and Sovereignty. Dive deep into His love and find there the grace to accept His plan – even when you don’t know WHY?

WHY? keeps communication between us and God going, which is a good thing. But, it can also cause us to wither. WHO? transitions us to awe and wonder. By God’s grace, make the leap from WHY? to WHO?!!!!!

The Pursuit of Peace

Peace is probably the most elusive object in grief.

Initially, you do whatever you must just to survive. Your heart is shattered and your mind is shot, yet decisions have to be made that are created by your loss. You can barely breath. You’re getting from minute to minute.

Peace for now and in the future are nowhere on your radar.

Hold on! Don’t give up! Let’s look together at II Thessalonians 3:16:

“Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.”

The fact is – there’s very little you have to do to obtain peace in your circumstance. That’s because the “Lord of Peace” will do it for you – at all times – in every way – and HE IS WITH YOU.

Here’s the little something you could do. Because He knows how much you hurt, He’s made it so easy:

• Recognize God as LORD! He’s the overseer of your loss and your recovery.

• Request that He do for you what you can’t do for yourself.

• Remember how capable He is to provide for your every need.

• Rest in knowing that He’s in control of all things, including the timing for you to know PEACE! 

Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Scrapbook Photos

Pictures of newborns, parties, graduations, family get-togethers and vacation trips are a few of the photo opportunities we love to share with others. All are filled with smiling people, enjoying the moment and making memories to enjoy in the future.

As you and I know, life isn’t all happy occasions. It also carries events that cause grief and  heartache. There is a word picture of those emotions distinctly and painfully drawn for us in Isaiah 53:  

Vs. 3 “He was despised and forsaken of men,
A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;
And like one from whom men hide their face
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.”

Vs 4 “…smitten of God, and afflicted…”

Vs 5 “…pierced through, crushed, scourged…”

Vs 7 “…oppressed…”

Vs 8 “…cut off out of the land of the living…”

Vs 9 “…His grave assigned with wicked men…”

Can you just see the agony on His face and the hurt in His heart? Of course, these verses and this picture are speaking of Jesus, the Incarnate God, the Creator. As you look at Him, realize  your own heartache was unbidden, certainly unwanted, but His was purposeful, so He could save us from having to personally experience the punishment for our own sins.

Does all this encourage you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE? He’s awake with you during your sleepless nights. He tenderly puts His arms around your shoulder when you’re in a group of well-meaning friends who say the wrong thing, causing you more pain. He weeps with you. He invites you to share your grief with Him for one very important reason: HE LOVES YOU. He understands your hurt like no other does. He invites you to cast your every care upon Him out of that love and understanding.

Look at the picture again. Can you see, through the horror He experienced, a peace that passes all understanding – just like YOU can experience in your heartache?!

He Leads

Psalm 23 is a favorite of many because of the confidence and hope, for now and for the future, found in the words written there, by God, through David.

I was reading that chapter again recently. When I got to verse 2, “He leads me beside quiet waters,” I was reminded that, tho’ grief continually throws us into turbulent waters, God is ever present, desirous and able to redirect us to waters that are calm, peaceful and safe.

God wrote so many other Scriptures to remind us of where we can find peace when the waters around us are turbulent. Here are just a few:

• Isaiah 26:3 The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in You.

• Isaiah 26:12 “Lord, You will establish peace for us…”

• John 16:33 “These things I have spoken to you so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”

• Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and pleading with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Until we are with our Savior forever, there will be no end of things to grieve us, no end of wave upon wave of things that could cause us to despair. Charles Spurgeon wrote, “I have learned to kiss the waves that throw me up against the Rock of Ages.” Yes, turbulence is overwhelming; but in the Presence of God, we can find “quiet waters” to keep us afloat. Spend time clinging to the Rock. The waters are quiet there.