Joseph's Point of View

Joseph was betrothed to a lovely godly young girl. Then he received some earthshaking news: she was found to be pregnant! Since Joseph “was faithful to the law,” he dutifully planned to “divorce” her – i.e. end the commitment to live the rest of their lives together. Thoughtfully, he “did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.” But an angel came to him and told him what was happening, that it was all part of God’s plan. He was convinced to stay in the relationship with Mary. “Convinced” is a strong word, yet it does describe Joseph’s change of heart toward this whole situation. The baby was born, as the angel had told Joseph. They called his name Jesus, as the angel told them to do. “When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.” (from Matthew 1:18-25)

This is Joseph’s side of the Christmas story. He was in love, stunned, disappointed and ashamed, decisive, committed to God’s rule of law but still careful to not cause undue pain for anyone else. Then he was met by God’s appointed messenger, the angel. After that, he obeyed what he knew even if he didn’t know everything he wanted to know. He obeyed what he did know – he kept Mary as his wife and he named the baby boy Jesus. “He did what the angel… had commanded.”

Dads, there are several parallels with your experience here. You loved your child and your wife too. You were stunned by some news about your child’s diagnosis or about an accident or about his unexpected death. You’ve probably been disappointed in … maybe many things or people, maybe God too. You may have tried to be a godly man, never wanting to cause undue pain, to be faithful to the people God has called you to, such as your wife and kids. For Joseph, there were things he didn’t really understand – the pregnancy? God’s purpose? Why him and Mary? Maybe for you too, there are things you don’t quite understand.

Joseph had a visit from an angel and trusted God. Then He did what he knew to do, obey what he’d been told. What about you? Most of you haven’t had an actual visit from an angel, but you do have something very important: the Word of God. Like the angel, it carries a message to you. It says God loves you, is present with you, helps you, has a plan for good for you in His kingdom. Can you trust God? He is worthy of trust, so trust Him. Do what you know now to do, whatever that is. Follow Him. You may not know the whole story, but you know enough to do what you’ve been instructed. Just a few of the general commands: trust, obey, be faithful to one wife, rejoice in all circumstances, consider trials gifts from God, pray without ceasing.

You don’t know the whole story or how all the pieces fit together, but you do know God loves you and loves your child. You do know God has a plan in motion to redeem His people and His purpose and that you fit into all that. You do know God promises to be present with you through the toughest places in life, like this one. Be encouraged to do what you know and have been commanded to do. It worked for Joseph. The same God is at work in your life too.

God Sent His Son

 But when the time arrived that was set by God the Father, God sent his Son, born among us of a woman, born under the conditions of the law so that he might redeem those of us who have been kidnapped by the law. Galatians 4:4-5 The Message

When we think of Christmas, we generally focus on the fact that God came. Jesus, the Son of God, was born. However the other side of this event is this: God Sent. Think about those words. They tell us there was a plan in God’s mind. They tell us God took initiative to activate the plan. They tell us that this sending created a distance between Father and Son. The Two, who had been eternally in each other’s presence, would be separated.

Did God the Father feel the separation and longing? I think so. Did God the Son feel it? I know so. You can see it whenever Jesus goes off to some lonely place to pray. He longs for the communion and intimacy He had with His Father in eternity before, and has again in eternity now. But during His time living on earth, the Son and the Father were living in totally different places. The Father was in heaven among angels, the Son was among men. They were separated by a very great distance.

Because of the death of your child, you know something about a separation of parent from child. You know there is great pain in this separation. Pain and longing and sadness. Would you choose this separation? I’ll venture to say your answer would be NO Thank You. But God the Father, voluntarily and for a purpose developed in His own mind, said YES. “Son,” He said, “Go,” because He wanted to accomplish what the rest of the verse says: to redeem those who were captured by sin and the law. That’s you and me, by the way.

God, the Father, sent His Son, away from their home and eternal fellowship, to go to earth, to be born as a baby. You know the earthly side of the story: Mary and Joseph in a barn, shepherds, angels, wise men, old people waiting in the temple. The heavenly side of this story is that God sent His Son away to a different place to live separately, to reveal God’s character and plan.

The Father was motivated to take this action so that right now, in your separation, you can believe there is hope. The hope is based on 2 things:

• the Father is familiar with the pain of separation
• the reunion we’ll experience in the redemption He accomplished. Because of the redemption in the verse, you as a sinner and your child as a sinner can be reunited in His presence.

Thanks be to God for the hope of the resurrection. That hope, which is yours now, was born on Christmas morning as the Father sent His Son for you.

Mary's Song

I reread most of the Christmas passages this week and was intrigued by some ideas in Mary’s magnificent song, her response when she saw Elizabeth for the first time after they both had seen angels and both were miraculously pregnant:

And Mary said: “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me— holy is his name. His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation. He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble. He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants forever, just as he promised our ancestors.” Luke 1:46-55 NI

I see 3 thoughts that give comfort to us when we’re hurting.

1. God was “mindful” of Mary’s situation. I believe He is also mindful of yours. He is not up there somewhere looking off dreamily into the universe. He knows what is going on in your life and in your heart. He is mindful of the pain and sorrow of your grief. You are not alone wherever you are on your grief journey now. 2. He has scattered the proud (ie, those who thought they had their lives together, but now they have had to come to the end of themselves, like the rest of us); brought rulers down and lifted up the humble; filled the hungry and emptied the rich. In His coming kingdom, everything is upside down and inside out. So your pain, sorrow and grief will also be turned to joy and understanding and peace. I’m looking forward to those days when there is no more pain or grief! * 3. In the last line, these words appear: “as He promised.” Here is comfort too. He promised that He will be with us and not forsake us. So right now, you are not forsaken no matter how you might feel otherwise. He promised that He will make all things new. So your life will be remade by God’s grace into something full and rich and good.

God has promised that He is with us all the time everywhere. Not looking over our shoulders and judging, but being there so we have someone to lean on when things get tough. He says He will redeem our sorrows and make them into something good so we can rejoice. He keeps His promises. So we can rejoice through this season.

Read the Christmas Scriptures and look for little nuggets that give you hope in your present circumstances. They are there. Blessings in your reading. *Revelation 21:4

“Thy will be done”

What is His will? That we know Him. I know that knowing God better is not a good trade for the life of your child. Yet, it is the goal God has had from the beginning of time for you and for your child. It’s His agenda for us all.

“Thy will be done.” Jesus prayed it and so do we. In the Garden, before His crucifixion, Jesus begged God to revise His plan for history. Jesus urgently and passionately wrestled in prayer, sweating hard, that “this cup pass from me.” But the sweating and wrestling stopped and peace came over Him when He concluded He would yield to the Father’s will – “Thy will be done.” You can sense that peace in His determination and focus on the goal, in His humility throughout the pseudo-trial and mocking, because as far as He was concerned, the issue was settled. Thy will be done, period, end of story.

We pray it in the prayer Jesus taught us through His disciples. “Our Father… Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:9-10). In heaven it is done always, immediately and completely. Thinking about myself, I fall far short of doing His will so thoroughly. (Thankfully, His grace covers my sin even more thoroughly!)

What is His will that we are praying for? His will is that we know Him. His will is that we walk with Him, experience His mercy, grow to be more like Him and reflect His character.

“…have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;” Philippians 2:5-6

“He… predestined [us] to be conformed to the likeness of His Son.” Romans 8:29 That’s the end result God has planned for us.

Job became more like Him when he saw and understood more deeply because of his losses and grief. Job questioned deeply God’s plans, and then yielded to His will.

Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you." Job 42:3-5

Your child died. It must have been God’s will since it happened. Your child has completed that goal already because she/he has seen Him and knows Him. But now, can you yield, and become more like Him through this valley of the shadow of death? This IS God’s will for you now. Allow Him to use this horrible event, your child’s death, to work in you so that you are more conformed to His likeness.

"Thy will be done."

Heard on the Golf Course

Heard on the golf course recently: “Believers have some questions and struggles that unbelievers don’t have.” Yes, that’s true. People who believe in Jesus think about questions such as, If God is good, how could this have happened? Where was Jesus the Healer, when my child was sick? People who don’t believe in God at all, don’t ask these questions. In fact, asking a question to God is a statement of faith. If you didn’t believe that He is you wouldn’t be thinking about Him or communicating with Him! I have to qualify my statement above. A friend recently said that before he came to Christ, he was shaking his fist at God, the God he didn’t believe in, because of a serious loss. I know grief is a cross roads for those who have never believed, as it is for people of faith too. I believe God was already at work in this man’s heart to make Himself known. So this man in his grief began to see a glimpse of God’s presence and character.

Grieving believers usually have questions. Other biblical heroes have asked questions too: • John the Baptist asked Jesus – Are You the One who was coming? (Luke 7:18ff) • Job asked - What did I ever do to deserve this (these losses)? (Job 7:17-21 is but one example) • Jesus asked – Please can I get out of this plan!? Can I do something else instead? (Luke 22:39-44) • David penned psalms with moans such as: (How long? Psalm 13; and Why have you forsaken [abandoned] me? Psalm 22) • Moses asked - Why did you make me lead these people!? They complain and make demands all the time! (After the scenes from Exodus 15:24 and 16:2-11, Moses reacts in 17:2b-4)

All these questions revolve around God’s character, power, intent and involvement in our lives. • His character is Love and Light. • His power is revealed in Creation. He made it all and sustains it even now. • His intent for us is that we become more like His Son. That starts with forgiveness and adoption, and He even paid the highest price for that adoption. • He is still every day and every moment involved with us because His Spirit is with us.

As I read the Scriptures, I conclude we are invited to ask all our questions. Nothing is off limits or too challenging or too dumb to ask. Nothing can offend Him. He will respond eventually, though He doesn’t promise to answer the question directly. But He often does come closer to the one asking, and reveals something deeper about Himself to us.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power… to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,.. Ephesians 3:16-18

Michael’s Guitar

At HVMI recently, we hosted a concert with Michael Card. What a wonderful, worshipful night of music and encouragement! I loved it. I had an opportunity to describe to him how much I love interacting with you. I am honored to hear your stories. I hope that something I have said sometime has been beneficial to you. I pray for you and have the names of your children on my list to greet when I get to heaven.

When I described BASIS to Michael Card, he told me a little story too. He has a nephew who died of cancer at the age of 18. Before that, the nephew told his uncle that he wanted to learn to play the guitar. So Michael Card, a world renowned musician, bought a guitar, not the best in the world, but adequate for a beginner. They did share some lessons together before the young man died.

It is that guitar the Michael Card travels with and uses in concert. Why does he travel with a guitar that’s not the best in the world? Because it is attached to his nephew, a precious person loved by his uncle. It is memorial to that life.

You might have something of your child’s that is often, or even always, with you. Do you wear his/her tee shirt to bed? Have you made a quilt or pillow of some of his/her clothing? Did you take a tee shirt or bathrobe and make a stuffed animal? Do you keep their trophies around the living room? Do you wear her jewelry? Have you continued collecting her favorite things? Planted her favorite flowers in the garden? I know a man who even changed his career to continue some of the work his son had started.

What sort of memorials or activities have you incorporated into your life for the love and memory of your child? Each tribute will be unique because you and your child are both unique and your relationship was unique. Each loss is unique. But your idea might help another parent imagine what they might want to do for the love and memories of their child. If some of you send your ideas, I’ll collect them and post them here in a few weeks.

The memories of your child are good things for which we should give thanks. Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow. Because there were blessings during your child’s life.

Another Thought from Rembrandt

Another thought from the Philadelphia Museum of Art exhibit – Rembrandt and the Face of Jesus: the Face of Jesus is full of compassion and human emotion. Historically, artists before Rembrandt painted Jesus with a holy expression in a sort of non-human, even flat, representation. A caricature. Rembrandt changed things. He painted in the early days of the Reformation, when everything about the practice of Christianity was changing. There was talk about the priesthood of all believers, in other words, each of us can pray directly without the intermediary of another human. The Scriptures were being printed (thanks to Mr. Gutenberg and the new moveable-type printing press) and getting into the hands of everyman. Christianity was coming out of the church hierarchy and into the population in general. It was the right time for people to see Jesus as “real” in a new way.

Rembrandt lived in a Jewish neighborhood. I picture him looking at historical paintings of Christ and thinking to himself: that Jesus doesn’t look like my Jewish neighbors! So he painted Jesus looking more like a flesh and blood Jewish man. Which, of course, He was.

And so it is for us now. Jesus is more real than we ever imagined. He has truly lived a real human life in a real human body. He is God in flesh and bone. He has felt everything you are feeling. For real.

Therefore, you are invited to tell Him honestly how it is to be you right now, bereft and confused and whatever you are feeling now:

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:15-16

Because of who He is, hold on:

“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.” Hebrews 4:14

He understands our need to have more evidence or clarity, when life is especially unbelievable:

“Now Thomas … one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, ‘We have seen the Lord!’

But he said to them, ‘Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.’

A week later… he said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.’

Thomas said to him, ‘My Lord and my God!’” John 20:24-28

And He will meet you where you are. Eventually, you will see Him and know Him so much more intimately:

“Then Job replied to the LORD: ‘I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.’ You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.” Job 42:1-5

God has made Himself known and available to people who were having a hard time with faith and understanding, just like you. Open your heart. Open your eyes. Wait for Him.

Rembrandt and Grief

Yesterday, I went to see the Rembrandt and the Face of Jesus exhibit at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. What a treat! Now, I’m pondering what I saw, and thinking of you, my grieving friends. Here is how I see the 2 themes, the face of Christ and your grief, connecting. One of Rembrandt’s favorite themes was the Emmaus story (Luke 13:32). He drew, etched and painted it several times in different ways. In those pictures, he communicated the surprise of the disciples at the moment Jesus revealed himself.

You can see the bread in Jesus’ hands. You can see that the disciples, in that moment, understand this man with them is Jesus. That’s confusing since Jesus had died very recently but is with them right here right now. So they are surprised, delighted, confused and a bit scared at the same time. And you can see it all in the artwork.

I have written before about this story (blog: The Emmaus Hike) of the grieving disciples who, as they walked along to the next town, talked about their loss and grief since their friend and teacher had been murdered. Their whole life had been organized around following this man, now their lives were in total disarray. In addition to the grief, they had the issue of What To Do Now?! Jesus listened and He shared with them insights about the meaning of those events. Still they didn’t know it was Him. But at the table, when He broke the bread for dinner, a service He had performed in their presence so often, they knew Him for who He is. Rembrandt caught the instant their confusion and sorrow turned to recognition and outrageous JOY. Because He lives.

Another engraving in the exhibit is a rendering of this story (identified as a copy by a student of a lost Rembrandt painting) showing the moment after He revealed Himself, when He immediately disappeared! The looks on the faces of the disciples is priceless! It’s just what you’d imagine – surprise and joy mixed with astonishment yet understanding.

I just want to encourage you to be talking to Jesus as you walk along your grief journey. Tell Him your exact feelings and experiences. Ask Him to surprise you by revealing more about Himself to you as He did to the disciples. You are probably experiencing sorrow, confusion, fear. Ask Him to transform those into delight and joy by showing you Himself. Ask Him to show you what all this means! Ask Him what to do now! Note that the disciples “saw” Jesus, in an ordinary everyday act of breaking bread together. Look for Him in the ordinary things of your life too.

Let’s pray together: Jesus, I am going to walk forward in my grief, as much as I can identify which way is forward and with as much energy as I can find. Just like they did, I’m going to tell you all about my grief struggles. I ask that you walk with me, teaching me. And I ask that you reveal yourself to me, to my heart, as we go along. Thank you for doing this for the grieving disciples so long ago. Amen.

Music Soothes the Soul

Music soothes the soul. You’ve heard that. I experience that, do you? Music can express what we’re feeling but can’t find words for. Sometimes we know we’re “feeling” but don’t even know what we’re feeling or why. Music can touch that place and help us identify what and why we’re feeling what we’re feeling. This is why music is one of the hardest elements of a church service early in your grief. The music touches the places that hurt the most. Most bereaved parents cry during lots of music. Who can sing “Amazing Grace” without tears for months or years after the funeral!?! Music soothes the soul. At a time in his life, King Saul was tormented in his mind. His attendants recommended finding someone who could play a harp well and found David. When he was tormented, the King called for the musician, who played and comforted Saul. “Then relief would come to Saul; he would feel better… (I Samuel 16:14-25). (There is a whole other level of meaning one could search out in this passage. Saul had been disobedient and disrespectful to God, God’s spirit left him, an evil spirit entered and tormented him. And it is said this spirit is from God. But I don’t want or need to get into that sort of stuff here. For the purposes of this conversation, we’re focusing on the role of music. Saul was hurting and his people recommended some good soothing music. And it worked to calm his heart.)

Music soothes the soul. Not only does it express what’s in us, it can impress us with a new thought or a new hope! That’s the kind of music a bereaved parent needs to hear! It can be a vehicle of comfort. That’s so valuable when a person is uncomfortable.

I have wondered why music touches our heart so deeply, and this is what I have come up with: The one who wrote the words was feeling something deeply. He worked on expressing that deep feeling with just the right words and cadence to express it so that the hearer “gets it.” The composer was feeling something deeply too. And the music takes that message to the deep parts of the heart of the hearer. It touches our hearts.

I’m not a scientist about these things. I’m sure someone has studied music and its effects more carefully than I. But I’m wondering whether it has something to do with the history of mankind and how important rhythm is. Heartbeats. Rain drops. Babbling brooks. The Angels sang. All are life or life-giving. The music man creates mimics these important things. And it’s almost life-giving. It touches our lives.

One important warning: Since music can impress our hearts and minds with new ideas, it’s important to choose carefully what we listen to. We want comfort and peace and true ideas. We want to avoid music that isn’t life-giving in its sound or message. Be thoughtful and careful about what you give your time and attention to. Once you have done that, listen, let the peace of God enter and comfort you.

Music Speaks

Music can speak deeply to our hearts even when most other things cannot. One of my favorite musicians is Michael Card, because many of his songs do touch the deepest places of my heart. All the songs from his CD "The Hidden Face of God" (2006) do that for me because the theme is “lament.” In my work with you, I share your lamentations and he spoke my feelings in these songs. Read these first lines of several of the songs: • Once there was a soul [Job]so full of shadows that hopelessness was all that he could see…

• How long will You forget, O Lord, How long, How long? How I long to see Your face, O Lord. How long will You hide?…

• In Eden, the darkening garden was still, unwet by all the tears from the sky. The burden of that disobedient bite brought all the tears the fallen world would cry. The unwelcome tears that they never had known coursed down their fallen faces in surprise All they ever had seen was the light of His face but now that sin had entered in, their tears would fall like rain…

• We are not scattered strangers We are one we are free Though we have broken faith and divided we are one family It’s time we wept together…

• It’ll drive a man crazy; it’ll break a man’s faith It’s enough to make him wonder if he’s ever been sane When he’s bleating for comfort from thy staff and thy rod And heaven’s only answer is the silence of God…

• Didn’t see You [God] there. Didn’t know You were weeping too. I think of tears as a human wound Though, of course You care, You’ve shown you were human too…

• If you are wounded And if you are alone If you are angry If your heart is cold as stone If you have fallen And if you are weak Come find the worth of God that only the suffering seek. Come lift up your sorrows and offer your pain. Come make a sacrifice of all your shame. There in your wilderness, He’s waiting for you To worship Him with your wounds For he’s wounded too

He has not stuttered And he has not lied When he said “come unto me” You’re not disqualified. When you’re heavy laden You may want to depart But those who know sorrow, they’re closest to His heart. Come lift up your sorrow…

Mr. Card knows sorrow and expresses it so well. You might have recently said something very much like one of those lines. He is coming to Lancaster to perform a benefit concert (Oct 1) for the ministries of Handi*Vangelism. If you can come from where you are, COME! (details elsewhere in our website). If you can’t be there, get the cd. Through his music, the Lord has touched my heart where it hurts the most. Let the Lord use the music to bless your heart too.