Death – is the evidence that something is terribly wrong.

What brought death? As much as I hate to say it, God did. He imposed death as a sentence of punishment because of Adam’s disobedience. Have you ever thought about that? How serious was the offense that death was the proper sentence? God has laid down the principle of equal punishment for the crime – an eye for an eye, and no more. We are not to punish with a sentence of a 7 (on a scale of 1 to 10) for an infraction of a 2. God’s principle: the punishment should fit the crime. So disobedience to His directions is enough of an offense to qualify for death! In other words, sin is much more important to Him than I thought, and than it has been to me! I figure my behavior deserves a slap on the proverbial wrist. But evidently, I’m not seeing it from His perspective.

You know from first-hand experience how terrible death is. You know how profound it is to see the life in a person you care deeply about come to an end. Possibly, you have witnessed the last breath. You know the impenetrable gulf of separation that death makes between one who has died and those who survive the loss. Why would the God of creation think death, and the separation that implies, is the right treatment for his creatures who sin? Because the offense against the Lord and Creator is so great.* All disobedience calls His authority into question and that is sin. All sin seeks to diminish Him and His role in our lives. It is more than just disobeying a rule. It is really questioning His right to tell me what to do in any way. It is putting myself above the Lord God Almighty! And that can not be. So sin is punished by total and eternal separation from the Creator. We are made for fellowship with that very Creator-God. But, without outside help, we can never fulfill that destiny. Sin is sin and the sinner deserves to be removed from His presence permanently. Indeed, the sinner has indicated he wants to be out of His presence anyway. The Father is giving sinners what they want!

(*I have said it before but here it is again: I am not saying your child sinned therefore he died. I’m not saying there is a specific sin and so death is his sentence. NO. The general truth is that we all sin and we all die. It is specifically true that one man, Adam, sinned, therefore all die. There is another specific truth too: one completely righteous man, Jesus, died and God sees his sinlessness applying to all who come to Him to have their sin covered by His righteousness. But there is no one-to-one relationship between anything you or your child did that brought death as its punishment from God. See the story of the blind man in John 9.)

That’s why death exists – because sin deserves punishment. So I can never be where I’m supposed to be –with God-Creator. There is a profound loneliness in me because of this. I will never be what and where I was created for. But the same Creator, Punishment-pronouncer, also made a different thing. He made a way to reconcile the present separation with what should be –being together. God sent His Son to communicate what God is like and to take the punishment people deserve, so that creatures can be back where we belong.

Death is profoundly terrible. You have seen it. It’s a sign how profoundly terrible sin/disobedience is. I have done it. God has taken necessary steps to repair the brokenness created by sin and death, so I/we can fulfill the purpose for which we have been created – to be in His presence. It cost Him a lot – the life of His own Son. It cost me nothing, just to submit to His definitions of what sin is and what the solution is. I am reconciled to fulfill my original destiny. I am grateful.

Where’s the comfort in this message this week? It’s found in the fact that the Creator is also the Solution to the problem of Sin and Death. He entered in. He redeems all who submit to His definitions and accept His invitation to love. You can fulfill your original destiny to be with Him at His home which is heaven. In heaven there is a happy reunion for all who also believe these things.

Latest News from H*VMI Ghana

Recently, Paul Lehto, our now retired Director of Development, and I had the opportunity to visit H*VMI's ministry in Ghana, West Africa. God is doing amazing things through that ministry even though they have so few resources. The thing that stood out to both of us is the incredible dedication to the ministry among the H*VMI ministry team there. That dedication blessed our hearts.

For instance:  Joanna, the secretary for H*VMI Ghana, travels 3 hours in each direction from her home to the H*VMI office, Monday through Friday, to minister there.  She has been doing this for about 16 years - always with a smile on her face.

The H*VMI staff in Ghana grabs every opportunity and does an outstanding job bringing the Truth of God's precious Word to people with disabilities on the streets of Accra, in the deaf and blind schools, at our own camps and even in a nearby refugee camp.

Our hearts were encouraged and at the same time burdened for those who are disabled and hurting in this needy country.

One of the properties H*VMI owns and operates in Ghana is a residence for children born to women with disabilities who live on the streets of Accra. There are approximately 30 children living there who are receiving the opportunity to get an education, learn a skill and get good Biblical training by people who love the Lord Jesus. These children also learn to recognize the value of their mothers by seeing them through God's eyes and desire to minister to them.

The concern I brought home with me is for the residential facility itself. The roof leaks in so many places that it must be replaced. The water has affected the electrical system to the point that shocks have been felt through receptacles. The estimate we received from a trusted local worker is $12,600 in USA money to replace the roof. The problem is, the rainy season begins in April.

As you can imagine, I'm deeply concerned to the point that I've set up a special account here at the USA office for funds that could help cover the emergency need.

Would you please join me in praying that the Lord will answer, as only He can, to meet this need?

Of Two Worlds

Rabbi Bunim taught:. We are each the joining of two worlds. We are fashioned from clay, but our spirit is the breath of Adonai. (from Tales of The Hasidim Later Masters, Martin Buber) You too are in two worlds. Fallen And resurrected, restored, heaven (Genesis 2:7; John 3:5-7, 16,17)

I came across this quote in someone’s letter of thanksgiving for events in their lives. It made me think….

We live in a fallen world. If you weren’t clearly aware of that before your child died, you surely are now! Nothing teaches more clearly that this world is not as it should be. We are all aware that “there is something wrong!” the first time anyone said your child might not make it, whether it was at the beginning of a long illness or at the first moment you entered the hospital after a call that there “has been an accident…”

We live in fallen world but we have an awareness of the restoration that will be in the resurrection. We’re aware that something could be better. That something should be better. We live one reality – fallenness. We hope and long for the other reality – the restored world as it should be.

Sometimes, while we’re living in the fallen reality, we expect the perfection of the restored reality, and are greatly disappointed. We live with dashed dreams. We live with physical, spiritual, or emotional pain. We live in a world that is broken, fallen and not as it could be. We imagine something so much better. That ability to image is an expression of an awareness of heaven that God has put in our hearts! (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

Part of your grief is a reaction to this big picture: that our world is broken. The double reality causes tension, fear, sadness, confusion. In God’s perfect world, death does not exist - so your child would not have died. But we’re living in a fallen world and the death occurred. God is in the business of restoring all that’s broken. He is in the business of redeeming all that’s lost. He is working in your life to bring you healing, here in this world. He is working in your life so that in the end of all things, you will LIVE in his perfect world where you and the child are restored to each other. In that world, things are as they should be! The best you could imagine. And even better than that! Where there is no more death or mourning or pain. (Revelation 22:4)

The Grief Nerve

Last night, at our grief group, a woman said something in a way I’ve never heard it before. A scene in a movie “hit her grief nerve” so she cried and cried, not about the movie scene but about her own loss, decades ago. Recently her mother died, and in that context the scene in the movie brought back a grief from a miscarriage long ago. She was already a little fragile. And, in my opinion, one grief is connected to all past losses too. So she grieved anew. I’ve written about triggers bringing memories and grief at surprising times. We’ve called that being blindsided by grief. But this new way of expressing it – it “hit my grief nerve” – says it again, perfectly! Something here and now brings up old memories and feelings suddenly and sharply – like hitting the funny bone in your elbow. It’s shocking! The shock is almost electric and goes throughout the body. Likewise, the grief shock goes throughout your being. Unbidden, unexpected and unprepared for. But there it is, a shock, a memory, some (maybe many) tears.

The next time something hits your grief nerve, stay with those tears a few minutes. Grieve that grief. When you do this, the next time that memory or situation comes up, it will have less shocking power over you. By giving it some attention, you will take hold of the memory but diminish the sorrow in it. You’ll be gaining, little by little, some control over your grief. In addition to the loss, isn’t that one of the distressing things about grief – that you have so little control?

May the Lord also surprise you with sudden jolts of mercy, of grace, of someone’s helpful insight or word of kindness. May the Lord be there with you, in the shocking moment. Here is a message from God for you: ”The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8- Moses says this to Joshua before sending him into the land of the promise.) It's a promise for you too because it is rooted in the unchanging the character of God.

#23 a Psalm of David

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. (NIV)

Let us let this be our Psalm for this new year. Let this be our guide and our goal. It describes who we go with and how He and I relate to one another. He’s the shepherd, care-giver, leader and guide. He provides for my needs and He comforts me. I’m the sheep, the follower, the scared and needy one.

It describes our starting point: fear and shadows. And it describes our goal and our ending point: green pastures, quiet waters, restoration. He describes the conditions in which we shall find ourselves at the end of this journey through the valley of grief: surrounded by abundant love in a banquet party just for us. He is Good. He has prepared for each of us to arrive. Even if we have enemies along the way, they can’t spoil the banquet when we are in the house of the Lord.

What enemies might we have? Your enemies are not soldiers, but you do face enemies during the journey through the grief valley. How about those who say unkind or ignorant things? They may not have information about normal grief. They may have unrealistic expectations. For example someone might have said to you: “aren’t you over that yet?” How about the little voice that keeps accusing you of wrong doing in the course of your child’s life? Guilt. Well, the enemy of our soul is the source of those accusations! How about the enemy called time? It takes longer than anyone who hasn’t done the journey imagines, to put life back together after the death of your child. How do you order your life without the one who died? There was so much he was the center of and so much he helped with. It all has changed!

This psalm is filled with promises but there is only one condition we have to meet. Just one, though you see it in 2 ways. We must follow the shepherd. We must dwell in the house of the Lord. This is the same thing in two different contexts. One is expressed in a process and the other is tied to a place. We are traveling in the first paragraph, so being with the Lord means following His leading. We have arrived at the banquet hall in the second paragraph, and being with Him means being at Home. All we have to do is choose to be with Him, wherever we are in the journey. Then He will lead, provide, protect and comfort. Then He will hold a banquet when we have arrived. That’s the goal – to arrive at the party He has planned for us!

Newness

It is a new year. You might be saying – oh, good, a new year. Do you hear the difference between that and Oh, Good! A New Year! There is a “yippee” after this second quote but not after the first. The first is said with a flat tone of voice. As a grieving parent, you might be speaking like the first quote. It is a new year. For many, there is pain just turning over the calendar to a new number for the year. It means this is a year in which your child has not lived. I’m sorry for that extra dose of pain for you. You have probably heard it said that you have to seek and establish a “new normal” for your life now that he or she has died.

I want to share a couple verses from Ezekiel about newness that I have been pondering: I will gather you from all the countries and bring you back into your own land. I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. Then you will live in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God. (Ezekiel 36:24-28)

Our God wants to bless you and me with a new heart! He wants to cleanse us. Since none of us is perfect yet, I am not shy about saying you, and I for sure, need to be cleansed from all our sin and idols. I/we need a softer heart, not a stony one.

Now, I want to be clear about this: I DO NOT believe that your stony heart is what motivated God to take your child! NO. But since we’re not perfect yet, there is bound to be some hardness of heart that needs to be softened and can be softened here in the grief that you’re experiencing. It’s not BECAUSE of hardness of heart that you’re here, but SINCE you’re here, God has intentions to cleanse and give you a new heart.

God’s work in your life is much bigger than the calendar. He wants to transform you into someone who is more and more like Jesus. The reason for His work in your life is for His reputation.

It is not for your sake, people of Israel, that I am going to do these things, but for the sake of my holy name. (Ezekiel 36:22 partial)

I know, it’s not about us. It’s about Him. But I take that to be a greater guarantee that this thing He has planned will, in fact, be done. Since it’s about Him and He will do it.

So, my greeting to you at the beginning of a new year is: Happy New Heart in the new year. Blessings to you, in His grace.

Joseph's Point of View

Joseph was betrothed to a lovely godly young girl. Then he received some earthshaking news: she was found to be pregnant! Since Joseph “was faithful to the law,” he dutifully planned to “divorce” her – i.e. end the commitment to live the rest of their lives together. Thoughtfully, he “did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.” But an angel came to him and told him what was happening, that it was all part of God’s plan. He was convinced to stay in the relationship with Mary. “Convinced” is a strong word, yet it does describe Joseph’s change of heart toward this whole situation. The baby was born, as the angel had told Joseph. They called his name Jesus, as the angel told them to do. “When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.” (from Matthew 1:18-25)

This is Joseph’s side of the Christmas story. He was in love, stunned, disappointed and ashamed, decisive, committed to God’s rule of law but still careful to not cause undue pain for anyone else. Then he was met by God’s appointed messenger, the angel. After that, he obeyed what he knew even if he didn’t know everything he wanted to know. He obeyed what he did know – he kept Mary as his wife and he named the baby boy Jesus. “He did what the angel… had commanded.”

Dads, there are several parallels with your experience here. You loved your child and your wife too. You were stunned by some news about your child’s diagnosis or about an accident or about his unexpected death. You’ve probably been disappointed in … maybe many things or people, maybe God too. You may have tried to be a godly man, never wanting to cause undue pain, to be faithful to the people God has called you to, such as your wife and kids. For Joseph, there were things he didn’t really understand – the pregnancy? God’s purpose? Why him and Mary? Maybe for you too, there are things you don’t quite understand.

Joseph had a visit from an angel and trusted God. Then He did what he knew to do, obey what he’d been told. What about you? Most of you haven’t had an actual visit from an angel, but you do have something very important: the Word of God. Like the angel, it carries a message to you. It says God loves you, is present with you, helps you, has a plan for good for you in His kingdom. Can you trust God? He is worthy of trust, so trust Him. Do what you know now to do, whatever that is. Follow Him. You may not know the whole story, but you know enough to do what you’ve been instructed. Just a few of the general commands: trust, obey, be faithful to one wife, rejoice in all circumstances, consider trials gifts from God, pray without ceasing.

You don’t know the whole story or how all the pieces fit together, but you do know God loves you and loves your child. You do know God has a plan in motion to redeem His people and His purpose and that you fit into all that. You do know God promises to be present with you through the toughest places in life, like this one. Be encouraged to do what you know and have been commanded to do. It worked for Joseph. The same God is at work in your life too.