HELPFUL/NOT-SO-HELPFUL SUPPORT

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As you’ve been grieving a loss, whether the loss is someONE or someTHING, you’ve probably received lots of “advice” about how to grieve well. In my personal and ministry experience facing grief, I’ve heard many helpful words, like “I’m so sorry for your loss. I sincerely care.” And, I’ve heard many hurtful ones, like: “Cheer up! Things will get better.” Or “Where’s your faith?”

With the loss of a spouse, a wife heard these words: “You were lucky to have had the time you had.”

With the loss of a child, a grieving mom heard: “She’s with the angels now.”

With the loss of a second child, parents heard: “You’ve been through this before. You know what to expect so it must be easier this time!”

With a miscarriage, a heartbroken mom and dad heard: “You’re young. You can have other children.”

With the divorce of her spouse, a wife heard: “Time heals all wounds.” And another heard: “You’ve got to be strong for your children.”

To all the above “comforting” comments, and much more that have pierced my ear canals through the years of ministry, I would say,“YIKES!”

Giving some grace to people who say insensitive things to grievers, they are, most likely, not intentionally hurting you. It’s just that, too often, in an effort to try to be helpful, people can end up doing more harm than good. In their own discomfort over your loss, they look for helpful things to say, but, before they get to any helpful words, hurtful ones spill out of their mouths! I wonder how many “Job’s Comforters” have kicked themselves as they walked away from a conversation hearing the words they spoke in an effort to bring comfort to a grieving heart, battering their own ears, hearts and minds.

People! They can be a blessing - and they can be a bane to a grieving heart.

BUT GOD! God always has just the right words to say to you. He knows, more than anyone else on earth can know, how much you hurt. He hurts with you. He will never walk away from you and leave you alone in your grief. Here are some of GOD’S words directly from His heart to yours. Drink them in. Let them be to your heart like a salve, a balm, a sweet, soothing remedy for the hurt that stubbornly won’t go away:

  • Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

  • Psalm 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." 

  • Psalm 23:4 (I love the way the New Living Translation says it:) "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for You are close beside me. Your rod and Your staff protect and comfort me." 

  • Lamentations 3:32: “Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love.”

  • Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

These are but just a few of the HELPFUL things God says to you in your grief. He loves you. He gets you. He can be counted on to support you - with just the right words.