Some suggestions of things not to say to a grieving child or teen...

“You’re the man of the house now. Be strong for your Mom and sister.” Often times we add extra pressure to kids and teens without even realizing it. We need to remember that boys are NOT adults and that they need to grieve in their own way without the pressure of trying to stay strong and take care of their family. “I know how you feel.” Even if you have had a loved one die, everyone grieves uniquely and no two people have the exact same feelings.

“Don’t cry, you shouldn't be angry.” Children and teens need to know that both emotions are okay. We need to validate their feelings as well as offer healthy and appropriate ways to express those feelings.

“Your grief will pass.” Although, grief can get better in time, often times grief never fully goes away.

“Talking about your loved one upsets others.” This may or may not be true for some people but it is important for children and teens to know that it is okay to talk about their loved one and to share memories.

Grief is hard. We don’t always know what to say, but don’t underestimate your presence in a grieving child’s life. God is using you to be there, to listen and to comfort.

Handi*Camp 2013 Update

It's so hard to believe that we just completed 40 camping seasons in H*VMI. Starting with 10 campers in 1974, we were privileged to have 160 campers and guests join us this year. It has been amazing to see God at work in the lives of the campers and guests. But God had other reasons for the years of Handi* Camp.

• Parents, who have the care of their child/children with disabilities are given a week of respite as they entrust their child to our care.

• Most of the summer staff have grown in their walk with the Lord as a result of seeing Him through the care of their campers and guests.

• We who are the full time staff have seen the Lord provide in so many ways over the years that we can all give praise and thanks to Him.

• Through the years we have seen many come to accept Jesus as Savior. This year was no exception. David, who came to week five as a new camper saw his need of the Savior and with no "pushing", invited Jesus into his heart.

Our desire is for each one to go back to a caring, encouraging church so that they can use the gifts God has placed within them to help complete the Body of believers.

Camp time is a lot of work, but when you see the Lord work in amazing ways as He always does, it makes every minute well worth while.

Click Here for Pictures of Handi*Camp 2013

In Their Own Words...Continued...

The last blog, In Their Own Words, we heard from a few people who had lost loved ones when they were young. I wanted to share with you one more story of a young girl who lost her father when she was 14 years old. I asked her to answer a few questions...her answers are as follows. I hope it gives you a glimpse into how a teenager may feel... Can you tell me a few things that were helpful in looking back when you lost your father?

"Getting back to my normal routine was probably the most helpful. When my father died it was the middle of summer before I went into High School, so it was already full of changes. Everyone wanted to be so watchful over my behaviors and attitudes, but I just want to move on. Sure, I had my grieving time and still do, but I’ve always been a doer so I wanted to get back to playing softball on my travel team and hang out with friends, which was most important to me at the time. Perhaps this getting back to normal was actually a way to pre-occupy my mind."

Was there anything that people said or did that was NOT helpful?

"Without a doubt I hated when people would say, “I’m so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through.” Even though I would shake my head and say “Thank you.” All I wanted to do was scream, “NO YOU DON’T!” Since I was at the beginning of my teenage years, I suppose I also had a lot of attitude, I also didn’t like people to “baby” me about the situation. I wanted people to speak to me like an adult, tell me the facts about what and how the accident happened. Because of the circumstances of my father’s death, I felt like I was always being talked about when I was around my peer’s parents. Like they would whisper, “Oh, that’s the girl…” I don’t like being the center of attention, so even if I wasn’t really being whispered about it always gave me anxiety that they were."

What would you say kids need when grieving?

"I stayed with my father's family after the accident and found this opportunity to stay with them was very beneficial. Probably because I never spoke to a grief counselor or any other type of counselor about my situation. I found it as a way to be with others going through the grieving process together.  I think doing an activity that reminds one of the person they lost can help with the grieving process. Or even today when I do an activity I might have once done with my father, I think of him always."

Every child and teen grieves differently, but I hope these last two blogs have given us a glimpse into how they may feel after the loss of a loved one.