Healing Broken Hearts

Jesus said that, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me; ...he has sent me to heal the brokenhearted.” Luke 4:18

 Not only did Jesus say that healing broken hearts was part of His mission, after He  said that he also proclaimed, “These Scriptures came true today!”  Luke 4:20

I don't know about you, but even though I have been a minister of the Gospel for more than forty years, I still have trouble understanding that.  I don't have a problem believing that Jesus cares about my broken heart, but how does He heal it?

Any bereaved parent will tell you their heart was broken over the death of their child.  Hearts are broken over many other circumstances of life,too. So how does the Lord heal broken hearts?  After eight years of mourning the loss of our daughter my heart still aches.  It still hurts.  Sometimes the pain in my heart is very strong.

It is often said that time is the great healer.  So, is that God's remedy for broken hearts; just give it time?  Time does seem to help up to a point and God gives us time and allows it to contribute to our healing.

I have had a few injuries in my life.  I remember cutting my leg when I fell on a piece of glass on a school playground.  The wound bled and required some stitches.  It hurt but after some time it began to heal and the day came when the doctor took out the stitches.  It did not bleed anymore but there was a scar. Over sixty years later I can still show you the scar. (Want to see it?)

The wound of my broken heart from the loss of my daughter is no longer an open wound but there certainly is a scar. It seems that wounds can't heal without making a scar.  Several years ago I came across a song entitled, “Scars Are a Sign of Healing”.

The healing process is more than just passing more time.  God sends the time but He also promised, “I will not leave you comfortless.  I will come to you.” John 14:18

Comfort is part of the healing process.  The Lord  comforts us by coming to us through His Spirit, the Holy Spirit, (or Comforter) which has been given to all believers.  Then, He also brings us comfort through other caring, brokenhearted people.

In our BASIS ministry we have support groups for grieving parents.  In the support group we see one another's scars of a broken heart, and in the process there is some healing.  God finds ways to continue the healing process.

Be Encouragers

Who is your greatest encourager here on earth? As I think about this question I would have to say that those who pray for me are my greatest encouragers here on earth!

What brings you the most encouragement?

When I see people come to know Jesus as their Savior. Also, when I have been helping someone and I see some evidence of growth in their life.

How does God encourage us?

I would like to suggest that He is...

• our Refuge (Psalm 61:2-4)
• our Strong Tower (Psalm 61:2-4)
• our Sheltering Wings (Psalm 61:2-4)
• our Rest (Psalm 61:1-2)
• our Rock (Psalm 62:1-2; 5-8)
• our Salvation (Psalm 62:1-2; 5-8)
• our Fortress (Psalm 62:1-2; 5-8)
• our Hope (Psalm 62:5-8)
• our Redeemer (Isaiah 43:1b)

What can we do to encourage others?

• Pray for them
• Share Scripture verses of encouragement especially from the Psalms
• Listen
• Write notes, cards and emails of encouragement
• Visit
• Keep consistent contact
• Give of our time and resources to others in need
• Walk alongside them no matter what they are facing
• Extend hospitality

Challenge: Remember God's encouragement to you and be an encourager to someone in your life today!

Memory Teddy Bear

When we lose a loved one, sometimes going through their clothes can be very difficult. Did your child have a favorite shirt that you have kept? Clothes hold special memories and often have a comforting fragrance to them.

A friend of mine lost her grandmother and her mom surprised her and her brother one year with a teddy bear that was made from their grandmother's clothes. The teddy bear's body was made from her shirt, the legs were made from pants and the eyes were buttons. To this day this bear is so special to my friend.

This week I worked on recruiting volunteers who sew and would like to bless a grieving child by making one of these teddy bears. As I was compiling my list of volunteers, I received a lot of feedback from people who thought this was such a wonderful idea, therefore I thought I would share it in a blog.

If a bear is not your thing, what about a doll, a pillow in the shape of a car or a truck or how about a quilt?    There are a lot of possibilities to be creative. You can find free patterns online.

Here are a few ideas of how to get started:

- If you know another bereaved mom, invite her to join you on this project. Share memories, sip tea, encourage one another and sew into each other's lives.

- If you are not a bereaved parent, but are crafty with a sewing machine and know a bereaved parent, share this idea with them and that you would like to do this with them or for them. What a beautiful act of "I'm here for you" this can be.

- Do you know a grieving child? Offer this idea to the family. A teddy bear like this can be something they cherish for years to come.

I hope this idea blesses your heart today, and comment below if you plan on making one.

Do You Have Hope today?

Jeremiah, the weeping prophet, has a lot to teach us about hope.

"My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord...Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:  Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.  The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him." Lamentations 3:18-25.

Jeremiah begins this passage lamenting the loss of everything dear to him. He has not received what he expected from the Lord, but by the end of this passage hope has replaced bitterness and despair.  What transforms Jeremiah's perspective?  His circumstances have not changed in that period of time.  The difference is that Jeremiah's outlook has changed from hoping for something from the Lord to hoping in Him.

Placing hope in the Lord is a decision, an act of faith.  After voicing his despair, Jeremiah chose to remember what he already knew about God.  He knew what God had promised and he knew what God's character was like, so he focused on these instead of his circumstances.  The Scripture above contains more than a description of God's faithfulness.  It is a stark testament of faith in the midst of complete despair.

Hope does carry certain emotions, but placing hope in the Lord is an act of the will in faith.  Learning to place our hope in the Lord in this way is not easy. This may be especially true when we are grieving the loss of a child.  When Jeremiah says, "The Lord is my portion," he is saying the it is God who is sustains and satisfies him, even in the midst of despair.  When we recognize this it frees us from needlessly pursuing things we want Him to give us  or do for us.  We are challenged to believe that relationship with God is more satisfying than anything else. As Jeremiah, we too need to discover the crucial difference between hoping for something from God and hoping in God.

Another important lesson Jeremiah learned was to live one day at a time.  This is an art I too need to learn. The fact that the same burden (grief) will have to be carried tomorrow gets us down sometimes and we forget His daily presence and promise of His daily mercies. When tomorrow comes and we must continue to carry some of the same burdens we have carried for years, from which we may only gain a short relief, we may ask, "Does the road wind up hill all the way?"... and that prospect may depress us.  But if the road does wind up hill all the way God promises not to forsake us.  His mercies and compassions are new every morning.

If there are new needs there will be new grace, new mercy, new comfort and new strength,

and that gives me hope!!

Past, Present and Future

 In the book of Exodus in the Old Testament, God told Moses to tell his people: “You have seen what I did to the Egyptians and how I bore you on eagle's wings and brought you to myself. Now therefore, if you obey my voice and keep my covenant you shall be my treasured possessions out of all the peoples.” Exodus 19: 4-5.

To have confidence in the future and to understand the present, we must take a look at our past. What has God been up to in your life and in the history of His people? What might God be telling you through your own life today? God's presence with you in the past does speak to your present and your future.

Whatever you have been through in the past, God is trying to reach you through those experiences. Whether you would call your past good or bad; God has been there. He is everywhere we turn and He is everywhere we have been, pursuing us to bless us. If you are a bereaved parent God has been there and He will continue to be there, providing blessings in the midst of your grief.

Listen to your life. You are God's treasured possession and He has brought you through your past to the present, to today. God reminded Moses to remind the people that not only has He been with them in the past, but that He is with them now:[“Now therefore...” I learned a few things from English class; that's present tense language. A decision made now has an impact on the future.

In the space industry they have a term, “mid-course correction”. If the rocket is off course they acknowledge the mistake and make a “mid-course correction.” Isn't that what present living is all about?

Looking at our past and wanting a successful future we are given the present in order to evaluate our course in order to make mid-course corrections when needed. The present time is a God-given gift in which to make decisions for the future, and if we “Obey His voice” and “keep His covenant” God promises us we remain His “treasured possession”.

Listen to your whole life; the past, present and future, because God is speaking to you right now as you read this blog. Are you listening? Are you choosing to follow Him now and in your future. He will not fail you or abandon you, for you are His “treasured possession.”

God Speaks to Me Through My Daughter’s Valley of Death

God spoke to me when my 36 year old daughter was on her death bed. My daughter Crystal was diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia on her 36 birthday June 14, 2005 and on July 31, 2005 God spoke to me. My husband Don and I were called on a Sunday morning by our son Clay, who had already gone to New York. He told us that Crystal was back in ICU and was not doing so well. My husband called off from work. He was pastor in Lebanon, PA.  We headed to Albany Medical Center in Albany, New York. During that awful trip to New York I was sad and worried about what lay ahead. About half way there God came to me and said; “NOT TO BE AFRAID FOR HE HAD CRYSTAL’S AND OUR BEST INTEREST AT HEART.” I could understand Him having Crystal’s best interest even if she died and went to heaven. But it was harder to understand how my best interest would be served.  I sensed His presence and a peace came over me. At that time or ever did I get assurance that she was going to be healed.  It brought to my mind the scripture. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose,”  Romans 8:28.  I continued to sit in silence for about an hour and then I told Don what I had experienced.  We continued our most difficult journey.

When we arrived at the hospital, we were able to go into ICU and visit with Crystal. I am so glad that I got to see and speak to her that one last time, even though it haunts me still. She died about 5 a.m. the next morning on August 1, 2005.  Her Dad and her Husband were with her when she died.  Clay and I had gone back to Crystal’s home to be with Andi, my daughter-in-law and my 4 grandkids.

I believe it was in September 2005, about a month after Crystal died that I felt God speak to me again. He told me to “CONCENTRATE ON THE LIVING.”  He didn’t tell me to forget about Crystal. My son bought me a computer and a printer for Christmas.  Included was a program to scan and print pictures. I proceeded to use that to produce over twenty albums with many, many pictures of Crystal. The pictures are precious memories.

From time to time I still have to be reminded about what God said;  “CONCENTRATE ON THE LIVING” AND  “NOT TO BE AFRAID FOR HE HAS CRYSTAL’S AND OUR BEST INTEREST AT HEART.”

Iris Allison

A Memory Box

Every few blogs I try to share an activity that you can do with your children. A Memory Box is an activity that you can do as a family or as an individual. Get a box, a shoe box (you can cover it with paper) or a craft box available at any craft store. Have a variety of craft supplies that include: stickers

letter stickers

construction paper

markers

scissors

model magic or clay

glue or glue sticks

Decorate the outside of the box with the person's name who died and words that describe that person for example: Loving Father, Fun, Hard Worker, etc.

Now get creative and think of the memories you shared with this person. It could be anything! Did you go sledding with this person in which you laughed so hard your stomach hurt? Great. Make a sled out of construction paper or clay and put it in the memory box. It doesn't have to be perfect. It's about the process. If you are doing this activity as a family work together, share thoughts, share memories it may bring a smile to someone's face and it may bring tears as well. Let them flow.

May this time together be filled with fond memories of your loved one and may you feel our Heavenly Father's presence and comfort.

I Am The Light Of The World?

  That’s what Jesus said to His followers, “You are the light of the world…” Matthew 5:14.

Can you imagine that? Here was a motley crew of farmers, fisherman, tax collectors and housewives in a tiny village in an obscure part of the world and Jesus is telling them they are the “light of the world.” What a crazy idea. Light of the world? That bunch? It must have sounded absurd at the time even to them. Only Jesus could have seen that through this humble group God would indeed change the world forever.

Now, do you want to hear something else really absurd? So are we. Jesus calls His followers today to be the light of our world. Can you believe that? Think about that for a moment. If we are followers of Jesus, we are the light of this world. But it is with a purpose we are lights.

A lighthouse steers ships from the rocks. A light bulb lights up a room. Light does not exist for its own glory but to brighten up the world. We are to be lights in the world, not calling attention to ourselves put pointing the way to God.

As followers of Jesus and “lights of the world” we have something the world cannot find anywhere else. What do we have the world can not find anywhere else; programs, productions, music, creative presentations, great words? What we have to offer a broken world and hurting, grieving people is not something, but Someone, Jesus.

We have the privilege and opportunity to shine His light of love and comfort to others. My wife, Iris, and I have received His light in a special way since our daughter, Crystal, died several years ago. In this BASIS ministry we now can pass the Light on to others.

We are not the source of our light.  We are but reflectors of a much greater source.  There is One who has touched and brightened our lives and given us the power and authority to do the same for others. Losing a loved one certainly brings darkness into our worlds, but may the light of Jesus pierce your darkness and allow you to sense the warmth and brightness of His love and presence again.

The Elephant In The Room

In a previous blog I pointed out that well meaning people avoid talking about your loss because they think it will just cause you pain.  Of course, as bereaved parents we know that is not true.  The following poem by Terry Kettering expresses this so well. The Elephant in the Room

There’s an elephant in the room.

It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it.

Yet we squeeze by with, “How are you?”

And, “I’m fine”…

And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.

We talk about the weather.

We talk about work.

We talk about everything else—

Except the elephant in the room

There’s an elephant in the room.

We all know it is there.

We are thinking about the elephant

As we talk together.

It is constantly on our minds.

For, you see, it is a very big elephant.

It has hurt us all.

But we do not talk about the elephant in the room.

Oh, please, say her name.

Oh, please, say “Barbara” again.

Oh, please, let’s talk about the elephant in the room.

For if we talk about her death,

Perhaps we can talk about her life?

Can I say “Barbara” to you and not have you look away?

For if I cannot, then you are leaving me alone…

In a room…

With an elephant.*

May God give you someone who will talk with you about "the elephant in the room"

* from Bereavenment Magazine, October, 1989