What's In Your Heart Activity

I thought this month I would share a simple activity adults can do with grieving children. This activity will help adults have a better understanding of the feelings they may be having. Pictured below is a simple worksheet you can make. Have the child choose 5 different feelings they have felt since their loved one died and have him/her choose a color that represents that feeling. Then have the child fill in the heart with the different colors/emotions representing how their heart feels. While doing so, adults can assess which feelings they can further talk about with the child as well as work with the child to come up with ways that help him/her cope with those feelings. It is important that children know that all feelings are okay, but that it is important to learn ways to express those emotions in healthy ways. For example, if the child is mad then ask the child what he/she thinks would be healthy ways to express feeling mad (playing sports, punching a pillow, stomping their feet.) Finally, at the end of the activity on another piece of paper or on the back write the word HOPE. Share that we always have HOPE in Jesus. So even when feeling sad, scared, mad or worried, we should always remember Jesus is HOPE. Explain that when we are feeling overwhelmed with different emotions we can simply ask Jesus to calm our hearts with his LOVE and HOPE.

We have this HOPE as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. Hebrews 6:19

Gods Day Always Ends In the Morning

Each day after creation the Bible says, "And there was evening and there was morning," (Genesis 1:5...)  Someone has pointed out that we would turn that around because we think of starting our day in the morning, but God's day always ends in the morning for He never lets darkness have the last word.

Gloria Gaither has described this truth in a beautiful song:  "Then came the morning, night turned into day; the stone was rolled away, hope rose with the dawn.  Then came the morning, shadows vanished before the sun.  Death had lost and life had won, for morning had come." *

In a real sense, God's day only has morning and it never ends.  If we are believers our bodies may be put in a tomb just as the body of Jesus was put in a tomb, but our stone will be rolled away too, because in Christ we too will rise to new, eternal life. By His resurrection, Jesus caused the death of death! So grief and sorrow will be banished forever.

Jesus gave us this assurance, "I am the one who raises the dead and gives them life again.  Anyone who believes in me, even though he dies like anyone else, shall live again.  He is given eternal life for believing in me and shall never perish."  John 11:25-26.

*"Then Came the Morning", Bill and Gloria Gaither and Chris Christian 1982 Word Music, LLC

Better than Answers

  Today, I spied a little booklet in a stack of materials I needed to go through in preparation for moving to a new office. The title caught my eye, Why Would a Good God Allow Suffering?* As I skimmed through it I was intrigued that the author did not offer “the answer”. He suggested four possible partial answers, all of which had some merit: to alert us, to direct us, to shape us and to unite us.  But as I often do in picking up a new book, I found myself flipping to the end of the book to find some “conclusions” under the heading, “Better Than Answers”.

Since our daughter, Crystal, died from leukemia nearly nine years ago I have read quite a few books on the above subject. I found this little booklet, especially the last page quoted below, to be one of the most helpful to me. I hope you might find it helpful too.

“We cry out for complete answers. God offers Himself instead. And that’s enough. If we know that we can trust Him, we don’t need full explanations. It’s enough to know that our pain and suffering are not meaningless. It’s enough to know that God still rules the universe and that He really does care about us as individuals.

The greatest evidence of God’s concern for us can be found by looking at Jesus Christ. God loved our suffering world so much that He sent His Son to agonize and die for us, to free us from being sentenced to eternal sorrow (John 3:16-18).  Because of Jesus, we can avoid the worst of all pain, the pain of separation from God – forever.  And because of Christ, we can endure even the worst of tragedies now because of the strength He puts within us and the hope He sets before us.

The first step in coping realistically with the problem of suffering is to recognize its roots in the universal problem of sin. Have you recognized how much Jesus suffered on the cross for you to free you from the penalty of sin? Put your trust in Him. Receive His free gift of forgiveness. Only in Him will you find a lasting solution of the problem of pain in your life and in the world.”

 *”Why Would a Good God Allow Suffering”, Discovery Series, 1999 RBC Ministries, Grand 

Where The River Flows

The beginning and the ending of the Bible are similar. God was at the beginning and He is at the ending. In the beginning there is “paradise” and at the end there is “paradise. In the beginning there is a river: “A river watering the garden flowed from Eden…” Genesis 2:10. At the end: “The angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be any curse.” Revelation 22:1 -3. We live in between the beginning and the end and it is no longer “paradise” for sin entered the world and with that came a fallen world with sickness, sorrow, pain and death, but even still, a river flows, the river of God’s love, grace, forgiveness, comfort and hope. Through Jesus we can receive the blessings of that river that flows from God’s throne now.

One day there will be a new heaven and new earth. God will restore what was lost and those who receive salvation in Jesus will enter the new “Paradise” prepared for His children. Yesterday we celebrated the homegoing of my mother of 99 years who recently had quoted, “Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever,” Psalm 23:6

It is comforting to know that "paradise” awaits believers but also to know that the river of God’s grace, mercy and love flows into our lives each day of our sorrow and grief.

'Tis So Sweet

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,And to take Him at His Word; Just to rest upon His promise, And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him! How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus! O for grace to trust Him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus, Just to trust His cleansing blood; And in simple faith to plunge me ’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus, Just from sin and self to cease; Just from Jesus simply taking Life and rest, and joy and peace.

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee, Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend; And I know that Thou art with me, Wilt be with me to the end.

I recently attended a church service in Nashville, Tennessee. We sang this song and a few words really stuck out to me so I thought I would share them with you.

First was "take Him at His word." Wow, its that simple. He has given us His word and we have the privilege to do just that...to take Him at His word. I just love that. He is with us in every season and He will never forsake us.

Secondly, "rest upon His promise" really comforted me. Today, think about how you can rest upon His promises in your sorrow and in your grief. Praying the line "life and rest, and joy and peace" for you today as you trust in Him.

What Am I Supposed To Do?

One day as Jesus was walking along a lake he saw a couple of fishermen and He called to them, “Come, follow me.” Matthew 4:19

Jesus went on to call ten others to follow Him and they became known as the twelve disciples. But the call to follow Jesus went out to others that Jesus preached to, and in fact the call goes out to everyone.

As a very young boy I recognized through hearing the Word of God that God was calling me to follow Him. I had no idea where responding to that call would lead me in 2014. I knew His call was a call for me to confess my sins and invite Him into my life as my Savior.

In my teen years I was trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life.  As a senior in high school I began to understand that God was calling me not only to follow Him as a beliver but He was calling me to become a pastor. After my preparation in college and seminary I became a pastor for more than forty years. Many people have referred to me as a “minister.” I am a minister but so is every believer. We are all ministers. Some of us minister as pastors, some as missionaries, some as teachers, most as followers of Jesus in every day life and vocations.

Part of my ministry now is to bereaved parents as Director of BASIS. My role is as a director, but my ministry is simply to hurting, grieving parents, and just as my role as pastor did not make me more of a minister than any other believer in my church, so too, my role as Director does not make me a better or more effective minister to grieving parents than anyone else. God has gifted us all differently but with a purpose to be His ministers

My point here is that God can use you to minister to others. He has a plan for your ministry. The truth is not that God is finding us a place for our gifts, but that God has created us and our gifts for a place of His choosing and we will only find fulfillment when we recognize and follow His call for ministry.

That ministry God has created you for may be as simple as coming along side of another grieving parent, not by offering brilliant words, but just offering your presence and genuine care.

I have learned that in my role as Director of BASIS, many times the most valuable thing I have to offer is not my words but my tears.

May I challenge you to let God lead you to minister in ways He as gifted and prepared you for. Jesus asys, “Come, follow me.” Will you follow Him?

Glad For A Broken Heart?

Really!  How can a broken heart be a good thing?  On the surface that sounds morbid, abnormal, perhaps impossible.  Yet, think about it for a moment.  As I stood at the graveside of our precious daughter, Crystal, my heart was surely broken, and even though there has been some healing, there is a huge scar and it is still not fixed.  My heart still breaks and I have come to realize that is a good thing. I'm not glad that our daughter died.  I'm not glad it happened.  It has been by far the most painful thing in my life, but think how tragic it would be if  my heart was not broken over the death of my daughter.  I am glad for the love we shared.  I'm glad for the bond that held us together.  I am glad for the wonderful memories.  I'm glad Crystal came into our family and blessed us so much for thirty-six years, so it's only natural that I should have a broken heart when she is no longer with us.  To not feel a deep loss would diminish the value of our relationship.

To love deeply also means we hurt deeply when the one we love is no longer with us.  The saying, "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" is in reference to love between a man and woman when one party does not return that love.  In the case of me and my daughter it is not that one party does not return love but that death has brought a separation for the rest of this life.  So, even though it hurts and my heart is still not fixed, I'm glad God created Crystal and that she was part of our family.  I'd much rather have it this way than to think it was no big deal that my daughter died because there was no strong bond of love.  I am glad I loved her deeply and she loved me, even though that's why it hurts so much.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal live."  John 3:16.  God's love for us is so much stronger than our love for Him or our love for each other. God understands broken hearts and one day my heart will be completely whole and I will be reunited with my daughter whose new body will be whole!

An Invitation

I recently read a blog about community and how sometimes we tend to isolate ourselves on our own “front porch” from Godly community. I’ve heard it said, sometimes the most comforting words one can hear is, “me too.” Hearing someone say those words is normalizing and comforting because you know you are not alone. God specifically designed us to crave intimacy and community. He even gave us an example of what that looks like. Jesus had his disciples in which He did life with. Below is an excerpt from the blog (in)courage...

“I’ve always felt that I deserved people to move toward me to create community...I also recognize that sometimes we’re in places mentally, physically and spiritually that make it difficult to reach outside of ourselves. That means the rest of us have to be getting off of our porches to move toward those who are in that place whether or not they ever get off of their porches to come to us.

There are those of you who are always getting off of your porch and I want to thank you. You’ve taught me how to be brave in community. I’m learning how to live it forward to others who are still afraid to step off of their porches.”

- Jessica Hoover

Whether you are a bereaved parent or not we all tend to stay on our porches in certain seasons. What if God asks us to get off our porch in order to receive a God ordained friendship or word of encouragement?

The annual BASIS breakfast is May 3rd at 10am and is a unique opportunity to be in a safe environment with other bereaved parents.

The BASIS staff has been praying specifically for who will be in attendance at the breakfast. We have been praying that they will feel the Lord’s comfort and a sense of community in new ways. The whole idea of BASIS is to bring people who have had similar experiences (the loss of a child) together to share, be heard and be prayed for. We have seen the benefits of BASIS and want to share it with others who are looking for community.

Today, I ask you two things:

1.) Do you know a bereaved parent, will you invite them to the BASIS breakfast? Offer to accompany them as well. Sometimes being invited is what people need.

2.) If you are a bereaved parent, please consider joining us. You will hear the story of BASIS from former Director, Judy Blore and hear from our newest Director, Don Allison, who is a bereaved parent.

We at BASIS invite you to a morning of honoring and remembering your child’s life, a delicious breakfast, laughter, tears, community and  even some comforting words such as “me too.”

To register click on “Events” on BASIS page or call our office at: (717) 859-4777.

We hope to see you there.

"Jesus Wept." Why?

Mary and Martha, friends of Jesus, sent word to Him that their brother Lazarus was sick.  They were hoping Jesus would come and heal their brother, but to their disappointment, Jesus deliberately did not come until a few days later, after Lazarus had died.  When Jesus finally arrived Mary said to Him, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. When Jesus saw her weeping...he was deeply moved." John 11:33.  After seeing where Lazarus had been laid to rest we are told that, "Jesus wept." When Jesus first heard the news of Lazarus's sickness he said to His disciples, "This sickness will not end in death." John 11:4.  So if Jesus knew in His mind that he would heal or raise Lazarus from the dead, why did He weep?  I believe He wept because of the broken hearts of Mary and Martha.  When our daughter, Crystal, died several years ago, I knew she went to heaven.  I knew that I would see her again and when I did it would be forever.  Yet, my heart was broken because she was gone.  I do not feel that Jesus expected me to just "get over the loss" because we knew where Crystal was and that we would some day be reunited with her. Just as Jesus wept with his friends, Mary and Martha, He wept with us and He weeps with broken hearted  parents today, because the Bible reminds us:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles..." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.

I have found in my ministry to grieving parents that perhaps the most valuable thing I can give to them is not my words of encouragement or words of comfort but my tears.

"Where's Your Faith?

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”   Hebrews 11:1

The eleventh chapter of the Book of Hebrews is known as the faith chapter. It recounts the faith and exploits of great people of the Old testament.  It also records the hardships, trials and great persecution and terrible mistreatment.

Faith is not getting what I want, or having things work out as I planned.  Faith is not even dependent on God fulfilling His promises; for in the Bible's greatest chapter on faith, we find this statement about these people of faith, “Though they trusted God and won his approval, none of them received all that God had promised them; for God wanted them to wait and share the even better rewards that were prepared for us.” Hebrews 11:39-40.

Many of us bereaved parents prayed for the healing of our sick child or recovery for our injured child, and that did not physically happen.  Sometimes there are those who would say that it was because we did not have enough faith.  However, the above Scripture clearly knocks that idea down.

To have faith in God is to have faith no matter what happens! Prayer is not so much getting things from God as it is getting God's viewpoint about things. Seeking the mind of Christ, thinking God's thoughts is not an easy thing to do.  But ultimately we need to have faith in God, not in our ideas about God.

We can never fully understand God, but we can believe that in His time He will keep all His promises and one of those we can cling to in our journeys of grief is that He said, “I will never, never fail you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5